‘Suss’ing be Luck

These examples that follow are likely mostly repeats but the shift to build upon that I have is hopefully not that boring.

I play a lot of games. I don’t watch a lot of television or social circles up my news or newspaper. I try avoiding bad or negatives.

I played games like mine sweeper followed immediately by match 13s type solitaire or a maze pacman type of game to make sure two differing mental processes tested often. Later, my gaming and testing became activities work as I volunteered it to be and well enough to buy more clothes to dress the job I got, maintain ideas in place and generate more. Deal with real world criticism and pitfalls therein while learning and growing -taking on without big talk or ego more responsibilities. It won’t surprise anyone that staff come and go so by dead man’s boots, I made department lead, if in an email interim capacity, before long. Where it would be a leap beyond what I’d demonstrated and built, I wouldn’t have my ideas of direction or the community inroads of my own to match what we had in place, I would not and was not being groomed at this time to become “the real boss.”. Yet how many of us are, wow I got the job and they are taking it..the brass ring away? Or am I building my achievements one brick at a time to real achievement and not some fancy badge? Real growth is slower.

Okay a decade back I had solidified my changes bye moving away from my circles of then friends who cycles and life choices were beginning second marriages and or settling into their lives and family. I’m middle aged, not of a variant lifestyle to “little pink houses” and no children or ever married. We surely hear that modt insane thing we can do is keep repeating the same choices expecting change. So, jealous if you’re quick judging, am I, but trusting heart- on -sleeve unselfish aware enough to know I’ll compromise or kaboom and kaflooey… And that overarching notion that one is supported by family and friends towards dreams…and as you’ll smarties all of you reading sense that I sense I have not what I want and thusy support is got to change. I take my sparks to cause whatever fire I may. I’m not a secret. I’m worthy. I put out every bit of relearning approaches to be even more atop possibilities…axing energy vampires… And bam! Second chance romance fritters into a good long term internet friend but how to make friends life companions? How to make possible what like livings for a family when I only have so many ways forward? Only so many abilities? Make ways happen. Adventure as responsibility allows, work as in trade for rent and part time jobs might be enough when lottery or poker gambling hero obviously just isn’t likely to make livings for all… And most of all safely gamble but never forget that powerful lucre of risking for one’s by following dreams… Or you might not equate risk with reward but somewhere I must or I wouldn’t risk. Annd? Last major adventure I had about nine months credit limit maxxed time based on twenty-two months I remained there family yet other options before health declined along with shrunk ng means and the the whole …woman sought… Yet no real future of mine to cover her shifting futures meant my offer love?ā€¦…….. Refer to jobs versus lottery being stable means to offer yet still risk but cagily all for the dream…risk but don’t be the biggest fool coming. Love though you’ve lost before. And thus though it didn’t result in a win, I’m not so certain I lost based on risks I wanted against making the impossible of efforts to surmount the known like cash on hand for a lifetime to become…okay, limited but 22 isn’t 9…limited success but built success every seeming male compromise which we joke to mean yes ma’am it’ll be your way or no way! Yet through this via actions demonstrate I care after who I was after…asking of course to be believed IN… No dough? No belief. Or if if you have words, meaning them is a good thing to making them reality….again, I said of love and blah blah learned quite a bit on patience but not formatting entirely or is that only to grow another’s betrayal? Hahaha you either love all that they are or it’s not love… But clearly my balancing selfish hopesoffering all in return for all they are? Humbly asking help in real life points I knew troubling?šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ In that last aspect I got another lump…or did I? As to naive dreams of looks like love, sure… No person to hold or be seen with…yet I don’t hate or wish unhappiness despite my offered return of a quite the disappointment. I’ll recover the financial risk repaid and inchworm surely towardsome way to attempt after the impossible again… But this time the kids came with no typical way to retry… Kidneys failed as in my travels I went from always legally blind but I could watch reliably a senior try to inappropriate ly stand in time to intervene and write just neat enough to fulfill not just my paperwork itself but not appear blind or incompetent to cause question….or in other jobs, read a cash till and both make correct transactions and be as expected part of loss prevention…. So financial constraints as the dream didn’t come through atop health and ability denying any new same old schemes haha and a no thanks….awwwwwwww. Everything gambled and lost yet another sucker born. Try and cry. Even over a year later that stings… Yet while not in this paragraph evidence given til now,. I was ending junior year of high school literally sock sniffing anything thankfully to you reading nothing lethally poisonous as a lifeline ng thyroid out begets crippling depression and coping issues which by then was numbing and I was hopeless! 17 I’m 46 in about a month so in all that life long as I’m on the max thyroid replacement before the medicine is poison…so mines gone and my gift is depression hahaha yummy! But I know for me that mine always came with a logic error of I felt blue then! Discovered how I deserved it….that’s a sequencial error. An error that with years of telling myself towards my dreams or life at all has kept me here and hiding the knives by not doing as many harmful things…we’d love all of us to say no harmful things but that’s hypocritically in accurate. So as my life is in its overtime, I’m rather out of fortunes at present, gambling after the last shows currently little hope of my loves offer being retried… I’m rather better at fighting to see my dreams achieved anyways. I don’t know if my luck is short term friends or if I get my forever to cherish or annoy. Yet I’m a tiny bit capable of wanting the person not sex toy. And that persuit into my unknowns of health fortunes abilities etc.

Have I sussed my luck? Maybe may. It’ll be a bit to alter my current fortunes to maybe attract the returns of these dreams of another together down our lives paths as I don’t get all avarice about just any object or possession

By Starman Jones

Everything and Nothing interests me. I cook read, write and even have to clean. I SHOULD NOTE: I'm 40 something.

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