I’m thinking of my life forward wants needs how to interact within others etc checklists. I’m not as to the worsts end of them. however I feel my performance upon them warrants a music cue to keep forwarding me. like many, I didn’t get all I felt i could have and even have sadly seen i was in line for but ….circumstances…. etc. I’ve had the tough breaks too on other fronts. I’m largely just so sick of making the same choices and expecting different outcomes. I’m sick of being the same annoying drama coming. the same attitude I know I’m approaching often self fulfilling failure that lets face faces, I’m just as responsible for.
now, if you know more of my story, you’d see, I’ve enough challenges going of failure of health atop everyone’s favorite low income now add that a lot of my supposrt can be…ultimately unsupportive. heh. love hunh? but, in true joy, I have some support still and the above is true, some wont help despite being paid to do so and free to say my results are not their responsibility. so a kick in the pants for me to keep pushing for ME and get these lists achieved despite the despressions, despite the help I’m supposed to have but don’t always or the betrayals sorted and dealt with. I mean. it’s not always easy out there! and yes, it’s quite possible I may get less because a few along the way chose how they did and we all know there’s an easy street of luck where a few things we dont control can make alllll the difference in the world…. but personal responsibility is engendering those who can help being thankful if they choose to and doing my bit….sometimes unfairly all of it.
so if you’ve watched gals who could say no thanks, if you’ve watched a smart guy struggle unmercilously with a fit in further education, jobs evaporate seemingly overnight yet remember how social I am actually not and how that can play out on a job where it’s tricky at best in a competitive situation to network yet I don’t so duh obviously I’m now more or less a target…it CAN happen. I mean it’s true I’ve gotten good and bad and some of the expectations irritating but understanding other’s choices and why is never much fun to guess at yet getting on with others will make or break us and now being doubly careful with far less to offer ugh…oh boy. but I’m again so sick of it’s not my way how dare they. is months in reality to build experiences and trust with them even then. its great to kissy kissy but it’s not any great relationship if they don’t ever trust you’ve their back…it doesn’t matter if you could and want to and yet still flunk it, you can understand life and other’s life isn’t your choice but them making theirs. you can lament you don’t have this or that and be a dash disappointed they do and choose to not give as that’s their choice not yours. you can even bring religion into this and say god keeps you from places that may not be for YOU….or less kindly think gods a jerk holding you back lol. or see an unrhyming universe full of outcomes that have no spirituality to then… things happen. and you can still hope I get after my lists as without them completed, I’ll have more troubles.