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Pink Elephant

Pink petrified wood is one of my last searches even if I found purple prettier. I remember grandmoms punk bathroom. Of course, wow it is knowing petrified wood can be MADE versus some mystic hope it can be bought … And in truth, while I buy mostly dark roast coffees, I’m sure that’s mostly because they make chocolate come alive! Lost? Sometimes even I feel that way.

i got meds taken. I got up around 2am home nearer 10pm swift to bed. It’s a day off and yesterday emergency laundry a.m. means I’ve the weeks duds clean. I’ve dishes I *could* get excited about. Don’t hold out your salvation hands yet, such is unlikely. ;). I could make a ham cheese eggs something too. I’m also just as glued to this chair. Watching for Dawn. Not being in some rush feeling I’m always waiting for something or to begin eventually is getting easier.

I’m trying as you might not see to discern as I’ve such a budget that discernment hahaha is important as I prepare into journeys not my brothers home but now to sis’ but hopefully try try again maybe damn well mine! Can occur. I’ve surely invested towards this but to achieve that impossible but on the way that allows a modest freedom within that obvious entrapment of managing within neighbors… nay this may that just like a horse giving up the grief they at bigger in size not necessarily attitude can be challenges. But as I’ve gone afoul of family friends neighbors roommates etc but seek my niche even still, you can sense I’d think more conspiratorial of pink Elephant s as the not there hallucinations of resolved issues turning out not to be issues at all as gee duh, I’m sick of forever seemingly bouncing here to there beginning over.

What within me attracts poorly calamities yet is both true but not a damnation game of myself?

It’s okay to go eat even if I may not have the largest array of goodies to sort through. It’s likely breakfast blend mild light roast next. I’m tiring of the bitters and only have frosting chocolate for the chocolate of the coffee. Greasy coffee! Woohoo!. Heh.

I seek today to be by move day to consistent ly not be a pa k a day smoker less to quit but to not! Open winters doors as much in a save money mine and others way. I awoke after a day to success after 3 days after it finally.

I still let the devastation of it all lap against the ship in a Marina. I know it seems a forever away but overnight stuff has changed right in it’s times always. I have biscuits still. I’ve even baking powder and flour and that honey to cobbler.

It seems my impossibilities are acceptance as if true and I stop caring or investment troubles fighting or empowering what I’d rather not attract. But that my pro.ised land is come as I make it. Fight it. Lovingly accept what seems the silver within the sours occurances.

Yet bad as I can fit sometimes have adjusted my instincts to better court my success’s hopes.

Knowing while it was possible it is okay it didn’t yesterday arrive. I gave all and both won but didn’t my prevailing goals. That in my now with pink elephant painting is me now. Curious how to best make luxury occur on the nothin I have.

i have a packet of unopened oat bran. Thus I’m only spices and msg from taco bell styled ground beef and chicken fillings. I have to try warmed to 155/164°f milk within my coffee press to see how steamed”” milk works to hold the air or foaminess. So my upcoming return as I know I will to dark roasts… Is fancified coffeeshop shites of delights. I got the poached egg sorta down so to more sammiches. But maybe a boat drink more.

Trying just to plug in still after eek disastrous occurances hopes in romanced futures atom bombed. Wondering but let go of the what’s next? Which about when it turns up 😉 AFTER I don’t chase it.

Yes I dream not of barbara eden’s Jeanie… I dream of oatbranned cheap burrito cheap taco. Pink elephants and less bitter bunk coffee annoyances. I should make breakfast

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Emergent

The tray of tube biscuits -lucky me, perfect thirteen and a half minutes to be golden yet fluffy exited the oven to french roast. Emergency laundry as I don’t oft wake in time to achieve a load done before leaving is ready to switch I didn’t jam on. Which is odd in that I have enough. Med and threads. Later to cardnight… my ride convenient flakes so I gotta rush home by bus to then get a ride so we might leave later by a scoush.

Poet excoriated my laments saying love out loud unashamed. Heheheh.

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Adventurous Maybes

I’m back from target’s

I got some bigger biscuits tubes, ham and of çourse eggs to try breakfasts enough egg biscuit out-the-door b fast enoughs

I died alittle coffee but french roast k-cups… World’s tend to end without coffee.

Milk because with butter it’s mac cheese

B it the adventure is the flour I’ve on hand to top a can of sliced peaches – peach cobbler. No my biscuits or bake up breakfast but biscuits batterdough nearly is cobbler and thus damn it trying to SAVE and there’s just nothing completed on hand for baking so baking powder

Adventures opinion is I can recind my death of progress if I a t others directions desires dry house and quit smoking they’re reformed ex smokers trying to along their way with like minded payers but such is rather b s I don’t care if I wouldn’t make nd smoke free or many times am dry by choice I want choice and support in simply being a paying adult be which unamericanly isn’t on offer. Not acceptable. Bless their forward years in the making towards empowering living. Dang it impass of course how inconvenient timed too. But where I can treating “enemies” with love is my task too. Not falling into if I only did life their way…etc b s . Just make my way best I can manage yet careful to hold to some integrity!

I of course can curious who contributes the next t.p. as I have for 9 weeks straight all of it as it’s new roommates and or sometimes I take care of myself! Attitude. Yeah, how conservative usery as that usually works in shared living. I’m not conservative as I need too much help and or live by social programs oft on the tax chop block so it shouldn’t surprise I hate the cheating done and philosophic usery. Not one I do for me wouldn’t use another to cheat another dime. Fail to prepare so you pay…. Etc. And tell you! How to be.

Well nough on that now. Within sense I’ve foods in a shared much everything home. Booze enough I guess but I want save a dacquiries bottle so a joy comes budget saved next month. I stop mom from just sorting my troubles or needs not without sadness I want and need things! But if I don’t carefully forward aware I’m not the only need going or do my best in exacting means- I fail and fail to support others. How unadventurous!

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Illinois Arrives

Please understand I originate from Detroit Michigan with then a majority of the family residing in around etc the area. So as I lived and do now in Colorado, I’d quite possibly return through illinois to get to Detroit. People pass and times change. I saw the Detroit in St Petersburg Florida – some not for 27 years. I can’t but tell you the rock island illinois horror of extra mosquitoes or the commit suicide lack of beauty Joliet but overcast sunrise…

its an Illinois Dawn.

Blue burnt with orange before me

Becoming golden

In other news reisling with honey… rather a meade tastes thing.

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A Light Forward

I’m able to proceed setting up to move.

thank God and family kindness for me. With me..

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Dreams after the boom!

lately i think white glazed brick making a facial squaring boxing the round mud hut type construction upon a zero or less budget seemingly yet land paid for, think of how Israel became israel not just did economic boom hit. Jewish diaspora in europe there was high push to move them out of there ….russia etc… Programmes… Obviously too outright anti semetism… But they came to Israel when possible buying lands so when country formation came though they hadn’t a majority they had the receipts… By comparison palestine squatted and while they equaled jewish immigrants in population and got some note within formation of israel, obviously pay counted and one side woefully out economically forwarded… So if you build it right someone’s pissed sure but you’ve a leg to stand on in your future endeavors…

anyway the feels like a refugee tom Petty spinning tune moment is what are? My dreams after seems ng the door slam shut on one path towards them after another? Still after a house of “my” hands. It’s less I myself build it but that I understand how I can keep it maintained within a basic skills set . If one follows ‘super adobe’ architecture add to this ‘vertical wall adobe’ such are legit search terms, yet adds a facial of brick… Ancient mud thing baked and thus water resistant and purdy… One has now to consider the box. I want a wigwam long tent because I want a length of seventy feet ish. Which if you set 40 inches lane now multiply by 2 you’ve 80 inches by 140 feet… You take 140 feet and consider 1 in ch to 1 foot or 140 I nches rise you have 11 2/3 feet rise which in modern ceilings is enough to get up a floor via a passive ramp – to me it’s not that I hate stairs, I don’t, but I see little point to a home I can’t live in when I might need to roll in a wheelchair or even worse other later low health care aides…. Bummer comes to us all most of us it’s failing health. But why not have the house allow for the care as it’s there all along?

whute glaze is simply applied and brick retired to have cheap but pretty brick. Brick is clay kelly up a bit of river type hill and that clay with with inclusions is strong enough to build the modern most city’s building code 35 feet tall limiting air conflict and delineating sky scraper office downtown areas by design. But an acre division land and many city lots still are deep enough that a house that long can fit albeit less yard which I’m a lifetime of limited porch patio life potted plants easier less maintaining b s lawn. Do rock garden or something thus I’m still pretty but I’ve less I need water mow etc. I fit a basic suburbia where more house less yard is desired where I could easily have you pull up a barstool as we await cookery coming or we could amble to the local restaurant row and.or pub and grab something.

wine watching the sun set on the porch maybe jotting poems? A nursice solarium with enclosed green space enough to herb it up, trust me it’s inside to mean all winter all year fresh herbs because that’s a thing I eat all year lol but no I hate bees so having a way to attract less nuissance is more hand work sure bees pollinate but I’ve lived by wasps which don’t and just sting. I don’t want that!

ground floor in enclosed parking. Nowadays this is a triple space behind a door to mean it’s locked against easy theft or vandalism.

the all important of life is easy drive up pick up or have delivered and not street visible left packages bikes so out of sight thus safer life living. I’m not hiding just not being stickers partying with you. Just peacefully in a chair maybe a wine beer or meade next to me…. Preferably home brewed latest! My little house’s beach bikes charging Ed ready for a lake beach or mountain n road after seasons berries ready. Close life services roads sidewalks bike lanes or whatnot there some business choices. People enough to interact with but privacy enough to keep quiet away.

its 255k a local my town now lot that’s about 1650 no home and despite twenty years musing how to press tin from a car panel of its body to other thing like a refrigerator stove etc with thus a custom fit yet normal tech is modestly affordable custom stuff. Maintainable as it’s shelved parts if fitting custom stuff. Or I’m not always able so someone must sometimes help living in a world with known stuff means not making it impossible to understand. Not custom material just made different. But I lack energy and always cash so incorporating these loves of a patio are done within the life I have. Smaller ways to enjoy not what I can’t see far make copies me true but that exist for the plucking.

i mean uzbekistan travel for oriental hand knotted carpets? Possible but I’m on hemo dialysis tied to hospital to air travel and no cash to sidestep insurance limiting my travel hopes to manage costs so spendy. I’ve limited grasp clutch so weil’s ng a knife to cut knots and home loom my own is also pretty but unlikely. Don’t mean I can’t enjoy leaning the math of fractal patterns why muslim philosophy influences the design as it’s anti religious to not enjoy art but depict gods sacred creations as if idolatry places them up for worship in an inappropriate way… Hence colors non natural world patterns no image no nothing to worship just a purdy rug useful. Math fractals that symmetry kept but mind expanding.

i thus live enjoying learning hoping but within what I have with the want of others to join making it fun to have company yeah but so far not have the Hassel of making MY dreams come true. Oh how short-lived romance has been. How annoyed they’d help but not do it all. How I watched each step needed to build.or step towards the next yet the the required building steps never came forth. Shhh. As I said the doors towards futures slammed. Health failed. Money never came. But joy never truely left.

so its puzzle time! Pictures thoughts heh ! Enjoying the notion if the future pets don’t eat the puzzle.

so im not growing a field of linen or hemp spun to cloth! It’s not spandex with silk and wool combed soft to stretch slide and all wool is a bit thermal retaining so warmer in colder places even thuroughly soaked wet. Now it’s whether covid cash comes to update me faster or it’s one plucked piece at a time… I care little now. I still try. I still try recipes even living out of more a reheat it frozen section as I’m too tired to going broke making scratch for 3x costs.

i tire.

i know I fight a year to repay lasts as damn it ones word is ones honor. Love came love left whether I was or wasn’t deserving it stay changes not that love came love left. Maybe love had other dreams I didn’t chase? Maybe I’m a drunken mean jerk chasing esoterism life and not the foundation to support me or others. Maybe I’ve no faith to believe in joy ever present just being… Whatever God’s plan and I’m one.of those folk, I’m forward to more watching. Taking joy as I find it fighting towards it came true but minimally.

this means I troll for affordable colors. Dye projects artists not me may help affordably making my dreams true. Trying like damned hordes chase me to dreams but still. Finding mom hates them drawstring shorts when I’ve been anti drawstring for years. Fund ng joy in the new to me the AVAILABLE to me. Wondering why it’s so much to ask I plug into it via others strengths to versus having to face blocked by my hands mine to do for them as if I’m denied twice.

with years towards a twelth prize win of my dreams as a damned free years subscription in glossy paper of my dream lived by another.

wondering how I can build with what I have to a additional cash generated when I’ve forever sucked at sales yet to go out in life to deliver your package myself or to a postal place…um this fades and no help has became suddenly possible no hordes of readers came to sell books enough to live no independent means or success like that come nor seem today likely. But I’ve 300 readers after 8 years that maybe $30 a month possible. I’ve I saw you in common business models. This ain’t zero it’s just not a living. And I can’t spot my coffee cup to even get round two.

so dreaming forward blocked at every damned turn is a pain. Waiting patiently for joy means joys not there and yikes so I keep trying to amuse myself and build on more joy ENJOYED and the time passes the gals come once in a while and go. I’ve many nice porch night s over a beverage and snack. I aim to push for a lil together maybe games enjoyed even if nephew grows fast time smiling over his games um he’s a tad little yet but theirs cartoons! Parks. Very broke thrown etc things the more annoying and destroyable the better a boy fit.

good stuff. Good times. The slow fight to enjoy now even if I’d a future in mind.

i guess eventually it’ll arrive and maybe you’ll be found on the way. Can I deal with fitting enough to be part of that.?. Can I stand aside as other non fit times allow adult others there time seperate I think so but it just comes to tools made to fit this.

i make far less than others so not being a complete hindrance unwanted invading dog at party time not invited…. Being good as I’m also scarce.

plugged in by necessity life yet independent enough to adore my time mine. Hoping to adore the future made yet that might be a magazine add poem or story made up in dreams

i guess my worsts are thinking I can but badly about how to. I can bake bread but flour loose is required to knead it and damned hard to see and get up. Having a free hour to vacuum and wipe it when I’m not able to do any thing quick means I CAN but believe you me it’s sure unappreciated the mess possibly Ill cleaned left or that we gotta GO now. Hurry! Besides bread anymore however good is free at the food bank poor people crap. Or a fast food sandwich. It never that I can but did it get put away or done well AND fast! So too with a zillion dreams possible, did it get done talentedly as there’s plenty of tourist trap time to be a bumbling tourist truer or comedy to see the new stumble onwards. Cleanup crew and n standby. Or five thousand brewers and jam sellers etc to sell you overpriced crap at the gift shop at the end of your experience. Your days adventure. Made to legal standards far cheaper than you new can. And both better and right.

yet where can I plug in? What can I do more than just damn we’ll watch or fit poorly in low end tasks necessary but poorly compensating? Someone knows better than to aim for just anything. It’s like lawrence the hero rescuing gassim! As he returns with gassim! He accepts the welcome of not just any offer but a good fit of sheriff Ali’s camp -lawrence of arabia, 1962 peter o’toole. Of course later gassim murders another and must be executed thus causing a tricky backfire of fortunes. Not every good lasts not every fit is forever so fast fit fun. Enjoyed lived. But not flour everywhere so to speak six dollar a batch when it’s given away free elsewhere. Yet not living out of a local restaurant when I’ve not the means to support that life.

not picked ng messy investigation discovery but fun still not wrecking but living. Doing.

hmn.not promising success when it’s been allusive. Yet not doing just wishing which crap in one hand wish in the other and see for yourself which gets you a full hand!

pay cash for your mouth and wipe up messes right and or put your toys away! Let’s go get a burger instead of cooking tonight…. Good you’re not broke as who wants always to buy?

who needs a wisher when they need just a partner doer achiever payer?

yet im just me able to achieve ex of my hands and want a life too. I’m not without challenge yet there’s surely room for me and my spaces to succeed!

and not be subject to b s rebukes in the lord’s name I don’t wish to be another’s robot ghost paying and hiding.

but oh gee how easy it is to just pay and grab not build enjoy explore. And such support is to be easy two wanted and so far minimal existent. Never zero but frustrating in that it’s never been enough to build castles in the sky. It’s more important time spent and it cleaned up the afterthought yet most important detail!!! Go ahead and debate, we live by presentation and it starts and ends clean and pressed. Yet that ogre detail is expensive dull poor paying as it’s difficult and time consuming. I’ve looked everywhere no coffee cup lol

and im late to tasks on my day but such is me dreaming after every door seems to close. Wondering how to accept joy in them and that I didn’t not get them as imagined so far. Builders ng not b s promises yet offering still what’s gaurunteeably good.

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Sales Pitch

Inconclusive t’was

sales pitch worked! Sounding sales-y

today to “talk” now.

oh and the surgeon

he too found nothing to fix

im after a new home and resolving a slow healing fistula. I’m up a half hour late and either need call it or get ready 3 minutes! I’ll call shortly. Coffee and relax need happen I’m mid cycle least worst blown treatment when I’m at weight and met liquid non me with swelling.

i gotta not be a sales grease. Hmn

heh. Sometimes the plan works so well it don’t work.

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Green (chili verde) eggs &…. Well pork anyway.

Fear the fiery

green chili eggs, potato

say goodbye stuffed nose

basics location and who’s coming after me to ferry me kindly to the ‘doc’ given. A bit of trepidation to forward somewhat woeful in offer but I have read Ben Gay 3’s (tragic name!) “The Closers” on how to sell a refrigerator to an Eskimo. My offer isn’t the motivation it’s desire and need addressing a few concerns.

coffees good… I could breakfast as noted?

tax plan differences have been leaked… Interesting the push so much different… Say “school funding!” And the one plan dies! Say “free money!” And it’s got breath…heh.

its amusing this fairly quiet political season as there isn’t enough definite evidence to more than hint democrats fuel protests and riot/destruction. There’s not enough for conspiracy radio really. As I’m not tuned into am radio. (Talk radio is more popular on a m radio as it’s a niche market…only sports is fm radio or burlesque talk disc jockeys)

oh 3 hours passed from start of this blog and still no egg breakfast. I may but I procrastinate

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On becoming boxed or more little Observations

I read my insurance billing “explainations” letter but gee, they list total charges yet not who to in what amounts… 4500 discount angioplasty likely, 67000 something dialysis 752 likely a surgeon office visit. Or as I’d predicted, I will get closer to $900k usd real even if fanciful sounding charges in medical costs billed and an underlying but no way in hell can it be paid “my cost” as it outright violates set rules on what’s possible to even earn. (What you may not hear is a little joy I’m covered past what I got, nice feeling!)

im sensing the move back from possible world as my oyster to I’m bad I expect a modest bit of respect in a world of little tyrants who as my luck shows win. This is important as I have to ask true assistance moving to yet another space…. Hoping as I should for more brightnesses even if they’re minor. (What you may sense is a frustrated block in ways I’d like to forward…fair… Tough crap, especially frustrating is there’s very little visible reason over a lifetime why, I make networks, get references, volunteer, have skills enough, attitude etc heck I’m even good luck occasionally!… So wondering at what I’ve not had a better go is a thought… But trying to resett this to not finding failure when it might not come up roses like the forever hopeful opportunity magician millionaire entrapeneur? It’s salesmanship… Selling a refrigerator to an Eskimo in winter!.😁)

i dabble in what’s left of my skills to cook. Interestingly mom made the cookies I’ve been after for years, hammentashen, but as cherry centered norwegian butter cookies… While not precisely the exact same cookie, they’re both butter shortbreads one with a circular appearance and cherry, the other triangular “ears” with a dot of jams. I’m long long gone too many moves to even have cheap basic electrified baking tools so the holy home grails of a kitchenaid mixer vitamix blender some fancy keurig coffee maker or the better grind yours fresh ninja is it job. Or basically middle class to Walmart discount special order versions tools. Don’t necessarily think grateful isn’t present whichever way… But that little taste after years closer on the sweets was nice. My splurge on a miserable travel day was green chili cheese fries. (It’s odd to focus so narrowly that is to neglect that I can’t change just influence but it’s became vital)

i mean I sense that thought I’d maybe sneek in a win before it was too late. I left with failed kidneys 2nd family eviction bankrupt… And the only big faith help thought biblical was rely on God. Abundance abundance abundance that of course has came in Cash. Now obviously 3rd move coming in less than a year signaling though it will occur just past the fiscal year. And I have to hope it works as I’m still mid repayment of n the last adventure. Trust in frailty indeed. Odd but I’ve always had faith and I do but sense ng a Life Lock to achieving the usual ways like find and keep job or string of them who cares to achieve even modest minimal middle term living and goals versus wow ten bucks a trip to the convenience store time! Woohoo.( Thus that why,. I needn’t be convinced of conspiratorial betrayal from every trusted angle which by it’s nature means most likely trying but know ndly to accept littler steps sure but also accountability. It’s not other’s lives to live mine. Sure God willing balance as I’m that far gone for options at present lol)

divination says phases in your life have come to an end and yet a true property comes oh no the silent yesterday of dreams is not gone and shall return dead silent 3 years one and I expect the year to elapse on the other. Friendly folk but don’t dare! Make it connected friends doing things together and as favored times come or go my social caste seems the same leftovers … Hey some years them tastey vittles!! But ashes of yesterday’s memories presently. (Logistics however annoying must be considered,. By asking help yet being the least encumbrance, I’ll likely avoid certain society situations or a few perks I’m allowed but likely won’t get… That likely with the very harsh prohibitive chances to enjoy little things like do them elsewhere who has to plan a yearly holiday to get a beer? That’s not it persay just that level of hiding your offensive perhaps differences )

i guess I know not to lose heart and do indeed find joys religiously!! Forever grateful to magnet all the good I can. And yet accept yesterday came and left. It really wouldn’t matter if it returned as even ignoring the end which would improve joys left sure denys truths making everything false. So as I return to a home with histories I hope I’ve a timed couch elsewhere for the times they’d wish to gather with those my yesterday but not today’s. I hope the year executes complete and some building comes but I suspect I reach 5 year planning for those hopes…. But yes not a lifelong burden. And that abundance means a bit more than here’s a bill of insane numbers … I mean it’s a dash comic. 67000/13 that’s 5000 oops down from 7200 last mathematics bill explainations heh it’s hoopish the vagueries insurance and yet that plan seems to have paid for itself crippling my year forward yet offering a few less hassles I guess. (Never lose sight of what still remains. Hahaha yep being very Sunshine optimistic aren’t I. This is Not! Taking life’s lemons and making lemonade! Naughty!)

Am I so wrong to believe it’s possible? I wonder. Obviously I found opposition lol. (Who doesn’t see that in a word there’s the two camps and sometimes a vote to decamp to the more likely to win side? Oh I know all about watching tidings of how the wind blows. I know one second it can magically disappear as fast as it came.)

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Little Observations

The year passes since returning from Florida. Yet again, I’ll be moving.

the woo of an accelerating car goes by. It’s a cop car.

i bought any old sandwich in the fog of cold outside warm inside glasses to have the owner not my cashier exit demanding I pay because I didn’t do as many, I paid first and heated second.? He thought I hadn’t.

the week of two of three no meds shows they other two barely work and it’s a sure slide to high numbers… Or the machine b p refills meaning your above it’s expected range.

i asked mom’s opinion on approaching my issue needing move and five seconds later the phone rings. Also I said exactly when I’d be calling and why. Now I’ve a blessing ride in cold weather not requiring 4×4, to docs the major side interest of when fistula is due fourth surgical repair. That atop not making my question answer on why my need a different space, is important. Fire! Fire! Heheheh. Support that occasionally is undermining. Just as my way through like anyone sorting any bills too high but still due moment … Arrangements made! Basic life, be careful if you want help to be worthy of your hopes… Note, that’s not deserving… In a way, none of us past being human are oft deserving of our desires… But inoffensive at least ! (Try to be!). So we’ll see if I handle my way forward.