I hurt thinking on it
Each truth and resulting knifing
My value in your eyes
Have you ever suffered a crisis of truth? I as I know me care as I also dream in visualization a life forward yet I’m not the only one with eyes. I know this is a question of heart versus head but it remains. I know in the back of my soul I both count and I’m not above anything including forgiveness because my heart still aged two hates what I have and I blame you. You? Not! a! person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean how I generally! interact not specifically!! But it is true I grew to believe a boy leads counts is honored and yet somehow I forget that the real honor is strength to be of service to myself through others in love. Love not porking you over a sofa after shitty music and slick drinks,I mean love agape not Eros yet relationships without Eros aren’t much fulfillment I mean to that of a mate and getting one. Two twelve, whichever. Yet where in my life within that shared with another am I? I fight to not be lost and, of course, lose. Yet where am I otherwise? At a certain point I am selfish- I deserve to be.!. Eros is selfish and without this I’m not in love I’m out of luck. I know that in my heart yet to say such only proves I shove any love away. It’s frustrating as if my voice and or energy is high esteem conversely low.and yet always I’m not right… oh well … it just irks me I’m to be a part of my life and never in this decade have I once felt long I shared me and thus fall prey to short timed love if I’m loved truly at all and not just effing pretty. Oh yes mr narcissist here can pretty. You’ll remember me for weeks because I am. All that. But can’t WE ever be? I almost care. I mean sincerely. I try. Thus I guess I cling like Saran wrap to my hope this is Love this is life and so often the only way out is destroying me not caring. I know no magic treasure exists to buy love or guaruntee one. But yet god! Knife in my balls and another in my face and then A smile slashed over my throat I’m cut out. Because everything I want or could use is denied me but not others. As if I’m Jesus coming or rubbish. Whatever I am incapable of my only requirement. And thus I hurt thinking on it/ each truth…