I hurt thinking on it
Each truth and resulting knifing
My value in your eyes
Have you ever suffered a crisis of truth? I as I know me care as I also dream in visualization a life forward yet Iām not the only one with eyes. I know this is a question of heart versus head but it remains. I know in the back of my soul I both count and Iām not above anything including forgiveness because my heart still aged two hates what I have and I blame you. You? Not! a! person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean how I generally! interact not specifically!! But it is true I grew to believe a boy leads counts is honored and yet somehow I forget that the real honor is strength to be of service to myself through others in love. Love not porking you over a sofa after shitty music and slick drinks,I mean love agape not Eros yet relationships without Eros arenāt much fulfillment I mean to that of a mate and getting one. Two twelve, whichever. Yet where in my life within that shared with another am I? I fight to not be lost and, of course, lose. Yet where am I otherwise? At a certain point I am selfish- I deserve to be.!. Eros is selfish and without this Iām not in love Iām out of luck. I know that in my heart yet to say such only proves I shove any love away. Itās frustrating as if my voice and or energy is high esteem conversely low.and yet always Iām not right… oh well … it just irks me Iām to be a part of my life and never in this decade have I once felt long I shared me and thus fall prey to short timed love if Iām loved truly at all and not just effing pretty. Oh yes mr narcissist here can pretty. Youāll remember me for weeks because I am. All that. But canāt WE ever be? I almost care. I mean sincerely. I try. Thus I guess I cling like Saran wrap to my hope this is Love this is life and so often the only way out is destroying me not caring. I know no magic treasure exists to buy love or guaruntee one. But yet god! Knife in my balls and another in my face and then A smile slashed over my throat Iām cut out. Because everything I want or could use is denied me but not others. As if Iām Jesus coming or rubbish. Whatever I am incapable of my only requirement. And thus I hurt thinking on it/ each truth…
When indifference
Must cussādāly carry the day
Spend-thrift heartās clearance
Hahaha echoes laughter of different timeās ghosts. Sober number blink blink blink like a bankās free phone balance robo teller. The creak of a clasp across a chord change on the radio guitar serenading nobody on the dance floor. The fans blow comfortās breeze but itās too hot and the fans too weak to effect change. Daliās clocks melt as time seems molten…. and No oceanās surf softly crashes this all back to solid earth. Itās not yet a carnival coming with fallās harvest joy.
Itās just peachy! The Bud Wiser just came across the apostle Paul… Masson peach. The weeks call to table top glories sees leftovers and no texts confirming time. Chicken bone ash becomes not the forever forward if an earth balancing technology with truth of itās not free costs… into chicken jerky. Bwok! Bwok! To serous thought. Just pounce with them playground names. Rest tāween tugs on the canned boiler maker caught catch as catch can. Green chili could be a dream. There are other sunrises. The truth of numbers blink blink blink like a bankās robo-phone prankinā truths out about hey sucker this is your life. Should I turn on the disco ball? I mean the radio still serenades no one on the dance floor. The fans still try. Daliās clocks are still baby talkās goo! Goo! Even peaches are at heart the pits. Which if ground fine make an expensive exfoliant! To scrub away yesterdayās…. to be fresh faced today. Peachy.
Once I remembered cyanide was all peach pits contained. Perspective says itās a lot of just hard enough to scrub yesterdayās away… oh stop it! I donāt mean permanently!!! I mean yay peach scrub from the bathe that butt! at da mall! The radio died. Some cars drone by. The fans still fail yet they try. Dog days of summer – upon the sunās anvil hammer each blow rung with and echoing cry.
Deja vu! Laughing
Each tickling ha ha ha har!
Yesterdayās dancing
Carpenters- only yesterday – which oddly isnāt the one I went searching for but fuck it itās a nice deep cut tune š but not like this next chicagoās But it could have been! Yesterday once more ( š )
Or
Itās like neigh on impossible to get green chili around this berg! So all a-twitter I heard green chili in print I rushed to enchilada sauce not green chili on my spendy burrito. It was still a treat.
Stopping off to check out a bit of option for hand sanitizer grit/absorbent- I canāt say I left with the goods but – – – Michaels
–
There is a bunch of walking including a grand tour of future lodgings if one has a hahaha š
If you love our modern world, the house is 3150 w Euclid Ave tampa Florida USA which is a simple 1269 sq ft lodging listing for but not for rent or sale $323,000.00 ish (search address plus Zillow) and something slightly less permanent and also less costly!!! š
Hart or hillsborough area regional transportation is operating the #15 plus walk and the #36 which werenāt the efficient ways there plus more walking (remember mid day mid summer Floridaās heat š ) and I thought of her so of course it rained entirely soaking me last blocks home.
Hand sanitizer absorbent craft idea:
Does it work?
Ahahahah!
This was duppised to be a link to a university of Toronto thing on the efficacy of hand sanitizer use. https://www.utoronto.ca/news/do-hand-sanitizers-really-work
Caveat – only an aid with not replacement entirely for soap/water washing
Can not exactly remember which Colorado Forrest areas visit exactly but I believe it was bear lake where the waterless toilets had a flower pot with a fake flower and kitty litter as a grit to absorb the excess hand sanitizer (or perhaps vermiculite alone)
Of little use actually for āwaterlessā but š
Since idea is still there
Clay- (kitty litter)
Perlite
Vermiculite
Clay works but can have a grit leave
Vermiculite over perlite I cant tell but looks alone leave vermiculite less desirable looking than perlite https://perlite.org/library-perlite-info/filtration-perlite/SludgeAbsorbent-Perlite-v4.pdf and added bonus environmental cleanup possibilities!! ;). But now perlite obsidian than in this form is white? Kinky!
Garden usage
Grit for and absorbent to clean excess hand sanitizer yet remain clean/sanitary and be easily maintained at low cost all seem useful just not as cheap as kitty litter (boo!! plus due to cats easily available)
Or no info or even reliable approximation of how much water (or sanitizer ) must be absorbed thus a better cost evaluation of whether 5 bucks perlite is equivalent or better economically versus paper towel or other methodology of hand stuff.
And now for pants and to get out for stuff. Smokes, green chili
I did get the day off after a light hour scribing the outside of our private rooms house (1/2) and pulling a double shift yesterday
I canāt decide between which item to come drowned in green chili tamely or burrito and if burrito which kind? And how dangerously close this is to Taco Bell which not āmexicanā lol is tasty tooo!
Basically I need a damn cheap cute fake flower a pot and some perlite
And will the green chili happen or will u get waylaid at taco bell?
I want that (green chili) I made that picture too… but
Itās one thing of many.
This is pork adobada on the way.
It can make the following most often: which I have in this time frame not made yet so bear with me š
Taco action courtesy of tropics breeze of Seattle waā https://goo.gl/images/CDg3gr
(Click picture link if you wish)
Or burrito
Courtesy of alchetron-Pinterest https://goo.gl/images/Q8ktyV
(The likelihood of hunger hath arrived, reader just click the link as you call out for delivery)
Is it authentic ?
Hell no.
Iām not Mexican which is why authentic is a racist word within food. But ;). You are beginning to have a chance at dinner around me š
If you canāt but gringo or pretend some Spanglish affectation of yourself, then here it is gringo!
Pork sliders
Courtesy of food network hence the damnable Memphis ruination if coleslaw all over a good sandwich https://goo.gl/images/kVcGDw
(Foodie hell hath me admit to being a raging separatist atop disliking garlic and enjoying microwaving bacon)
If y
u remember – I did get after my batch whilst visiting family… itās like so on?
ā
Edit
As you can see – there is a place in town with the all holy green chili. But just a tamale or burrito?? Boo. ;).
Bit of a trek yet Iāve been to and through that locale as itās along the way from st Pete.
Now the magic continues
Recipes abound for green chili verde
Much fun exists chasing the oxacan dream of those seven of which this is but one
But Iām reminded of not the crispy chimichanga properly bathed in blissful green and colon clogging melty gringo cheese mmm. Iām not reminded of the basic beef and bean not just sawdust beef with cumin… mmm either way nor some safer chicken affair… mmm burrito. – I try but I doubt Iāll ever love abreakfast burrito mmm mnnnf.
Nor a thinner sauce topping say beans for a toastada – mmm. Nor am I thinking oh holy colon clog of a cheese stuffed pepper egg or crispy chili rellenno mmm. Iām thinking of oncehome
I have some smoked paprika! Along with a Boston butt cut pork shoulder roast. Pork adobada? (Yes, I am well aware I told you Iām not supposed to consume pork and as a habit I donāt.!. But… makes rude noises and hopes you know he me knows heās smelling rather like a potential law very much full of āporkā)
I dreamt I was given a fat! Rolly and I kept losing a bit of it on it journey with me back to wherever.
I ran into my first recognized church person outside of church at the grocery along with a favorite pal too! I of course would have not easily recognized my pal and of course got the church peoples names wrong – drat! Bahaha those moments when you sorta feel bad youāre not the memory trap you thought you once were! Or you could say I only thought oo how cool I was spotted! First time! Thanks little Allie.
I still stew in a way yet itās easier – Iām not angry as much as the whateverseems to float away. Itās sad to hope to share and not do so which was the point all along but such isnāt just my choice. Iāll obviously stewlater with joys versus potential whistfuls of what was. Itās therapeutic to remember joy drives not fight for something and thus miss it twice!
Fine thinking brought to you by the blue bull (schlitz malt liquor) and a lot of church.
But
11/18 places hurt or more a simpler test for Fibro.
Stress worsens
So far this means less work and more delegation
Then avoiding long term nsaid type pain relief to avoid stomach troubles /ibs
Muscle relaxants (marjoram oil – doterra is inexpensive comparing to yleo)
Canna butter (marijuana butter as everyone loves puke dope. But it can ease pain and with nestle dark choc and mint chips available at fine grocery retailers along with a brownie mix swirl type oo la la brownies as āpain reliefā. Last time I checked marijuana is illegal in this general area and always is on the job so caution about brownie consumption and ingredient procurement is warranted or one gets warrants of a different variety.
If you really want a research paper you are capable of getting one
But suffice it to say:
Less stress
Journal stress to combat it better which combines with a diabetic requirement to food journal https://dreamtimestarmanjones.wordpress.com/ youāll catch a month of mine 22 is on almondcoffeed
Take up yoga Buddhism and or meditation complete with antioxidant rich green tea!
Next muscle injury pain response is when Fibro plays muscle relaxers mentioned above versus prescription
NSAIDs like aspirin ibuprofen Tylenol aleive are really good to trash stomach so much so that itās most common Fibro is with ibs and similar diseases. Avoid wimp juice try massage and acupuncture
Food wise is limiting so marjoram oil is for relief! So is pot brownies. But you did ask for legit suggestions.
If you want more this is only a notes point fleshed out before itās a book.
Laugh
Good morning
Chicken soup triple grandma powered (marjoram is that principal spice)
Church
And
Pot brownies.
Second attempt as lady is on locale
I still want That beer!!
It is why I asked if it was fibromyalgia not sarcoidosis because vitamin d deficiency effects insulin yet must be limited with sarcoidosis as itās also a trigger of the same Fibro like situations
I take calcitriol – an activated form of vitamin d as Iāve kidney issues blocking me from converting sunshine made vitamin d and that means vitamin d added milk bread slimfast centrum you name it itās useless vitamins to me!! But vitamins d is an end of SOME type two diabetes issues as it reaches corrected higher levels – my worst diabetes is summertime so you can tell Iām just special. Your situation is different and thus please work with your health care team!!!
Okay
Potato chips and coffee
Buh-bye
Seriously
No not cold turkey right away!
Try celebrating change you enjoy and thus each step tackle harder tasks with a feeling of continued joy and self mastery
Never underestimate the power of a nagging wife
Yes Iām being a smartass. But Iām also being honest too. If you can handle a bit of concern for others trying to champion you to be better cuss the crap out of them about how youāre two years old yet 225 lbs (or more!! Go you! ) and youāll have that damn snickers if you damn well want to! Iām not saying youāre wrong either but I warn you that youāre pissing away Jesus or just a nice person caring to help you. Itās easier as a team
The first thing to aid your life is to cut stress and do less work
Well now! Someone helping with some holler about your sins as you and I commit them absent mindedly!! Is very much a blessing aw cute and religious please go puke. Iāll wait.
Nowyes your going to lose good fast easy foods! Start whining!!!
Start trying to blog or as my one funny friend calls itā flog-ging food log, flog hee hee
https://dreamtimestarmanjones.wordpress.com/
Iāve a-monthās worth this instant mine sucks but you have all my food present maybe I forgot I ate a can of green beans two thursdays ago but really now.!.
I do have a glucometer. But no test strips to date this beginning to end in dr junk and at 87 cents a piece per strip? Um I can hardly afford to be extravagent
I am diabetic. I do drink. I do to your inspection eat SHIT food ! Slow down!
I maintain a stable A1c and kidney functions and have limits to sodium, potassium by way of drugs, phosphorus and limitations of meat intake altogether in no beef or pork by advice!
Not to mention I must be a bit conscious of actual calories too.
My needs thus arenāt yours my choices may not aid you following all my facts and patterns!!! But I want beer so I write up ways you! Can approach your needs and maybe not remember five hundred science books
If you deepfat fry – peanut oil is both high smoke and affordable
I havenāt much experience with funny tasting avocado oil grape seed, rapeseed cottonseed oils and or palm except coconut/palm is the old movie theater popcorn oil that make it so velvet smooth
If you buy spreads – consider an olive oil one but in truth butter is friendly enough afterall. But so too here is a drip of measured olive oil
Next you saw multigrain bread whole grains etc – I like some! I also happen to like a diabetic friendlier RYE yes rye as it can be half the calories – a true feeling of full with actual food! Not some sissy bite
Turkey bacon. Again heavily processed by its nature! But itās breakfast and breakfast without bacon is less. I like godshallās brand turkey bacon
Simply trimming 500 calories a day can aid in losing 1-2 pounds a week it said š no lame ass exercise! Woo hoo
Or realistically Iām saying itās not eating but what how much and when. And a few key changes can seriously help you and your loved one too leave you the hell alone muhahahahaha.
Iām not to the main diet but if sugar is bad itās time to consider truvia
I can hang
If you must agave syrup but back to that sugar thing!!!
And milk??
Fucking loaded with sugar!!
I actual like cashew milk yes theyāre speedier but you buy the almond for cereal and the good stuff for coffee???? Ahhh ahh cut that caffeine you fiend!!! I know but you survived losing your security blanket big boy you can put down the supply cup with 1/2 calf then better non caffeinated things coffee
More comingbut Iām tired again this crap takes miserable hours to prove and I want that beer
ā-
ā-
Weāve covered substitutions to save not money but health
***
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Now to note why this is here- how does one help others begin towards altering choices when it is like all the above is designed to stop living?
Imagine diabetes with fibro what an irritant! (And pain)
Now see how massively complex dieting alteration is when we all know it just doesnāt and wonāt taste the same!
For instance I happen to like turkey bacon of the godshalls type its like ham almost – but maybe youāre a diehard pork poacher and itās just ugh to you to consider healthy means only not living well?
How does one begin to make inroads in to what I can substitute versus without said stuff breathing in and out is pointless!??
Yes I rewrote that line twice
Well?
Iām going to foodie hell as I can microwave bacon eat this heathen substitute stuff and am in general interested in the food stuff down to each calorie.
Therefore itās likely no surprise Iād take your left over Chinese soy sauce takeaway packs and make onion oranges chicken wings
Nor I can see 7ās on a1cs with great difficulty at all – yet I suffer the most simply eating at all as Iām very very hit miss with energy and thus into convenience eating a highly impossible way to limit sodium and or troublesome dietary factors I must watch.
Yet fundamentally I can cook and am aware of nutritional choices.
Hoodwinking people to see it is good and not scary sounds maliciously kind
I managed some asparagus with dinner of pot roaste/stew. Iām convinced sharing why the lower caloric intake methodology is worth it as one is in better health but it is not a fail in living well
Marks… grime. Grunge! Words and thoughts flow by
Minor progress on my stay hereās plans occurs. That I cant see to read with the glasses I got is comic Iām just a hair beneath that focus. So I gain marks…. grime! Grunge! Ideas or time passed. I suddenly canāt win a game of all fives scoring dominoes (double six set) and I blame having played too many all threes score games thus forgot how one weighs odds in all fives to cagily play. I won 2/9 games all season at shuffleboard league but oddly I seemed to be either good or the magic wore off trying to compete even when your 1 and 7. The pretzel turned out to be dynamite with siracha aioli as did the corn dog and I took up my bar position of natty lights because 3 a beer was fine but snacks eat one alive. I achieved? Tv dvd so I can movies and I applied after work I wonder if time (truly will draw) out like a bladeā like is said in āShawshank redemptionā. Laugh with me if divination is correct saying these are the good old days!). (Or sing the tv theme to āall in the familyā. āBoy the way glen miller played! Songs that made the hit parade… gee our old lasalle ran great… those were the dayssss!ā). And Iām sure Iām marked. I am a grime fighter. Nope Iām in no mood for nirvana (grunge / smells like teen spirit… oo oo garsh Iām glad to be old!…Er)
and something slightly less permanent and also less costly!!! š
almondcoffeed 