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leftover jokes

how did i spend my extra day… oh puke, it’s spent remembering today’s family visit and the joy seing while not my choice the healthy switch for the old place i lived changes as in feel that they’ve long stayed in effect.  how i should plot my month’s shoppikng desires as it’s nearly time to make them achieved. and otherwise waiting- it’s one more day efore my monthly cycle begins again.   in a way it feels like a bad joke, one more day just about when it’s least wanted timing=wise.

 

what did monica lewinsky find in her dress? : a wad of bills. say it like it’s coming out a lotta almost.. it’s still awful.  or the, why pick hillary, bill didn’t.

 

or my attempt at math humor that no one seemed to enjoy – 😀  some folks like to say god’ll never give you more than you can handle.  the what is a keg?  -if one notes liquor humor… a handle used to be a beer according to lingo circa seventies, boz scaggs: lido shuffle … the wheels just stopped long enough for him to grab a handle off the top of the rack… but nowadays i hear it to mean a one seven five.  the joke here biomathmatically is most of get spinnin around three drinks- even the boz scagg’s version of a handle can be more than this buta a keg of three point two percent beer  a keg being sixteen point five gallons which is quite quite a lot to try to consume either pissing or sweating it out… i currently cant do it in 24 hours… is sixty seven drinks versus even pure alcohol in a handle of nowadays is  at the mythic half not   the same as a keg and it’s difficult to find 3.2 beer anymore expecially in a retail keg. so therefor it’s more than one can Handle. in more ways than one ;). but to explain this means? i ruined the joke and the math’s slippery anyways as a one point seven five liter bottle is subdivided as 50 ml shots make 35 seeming shots but at doubled stregth plus as say ever clear that means technically there’s seven drinks in a handle thus defeating the keg’s alcohol anyways anaology and beside a shot is 44 ml not 50 thus increasing the math complexity and deafeating the joke altogether even if biologically not many of us can consume even with help a keg of beer in a day a lot of help maybe. a bar’s worth of help get two but again whatever joke ruined 😉   and a healthy male in the hottest of dry sun sweating can lose 2 cquarts of  12 gallons in a day dry heat  sweating leaving only 4 gallons to be peed.   the caloric impact  8 days of over eating in one day however would be enormous. and while that’s highly unlikely it’s just this shave of possible seemingly but it’s not really 😉 exeedingly unlikely as one cant necessarily absorb all that liquid fast so one could massively exercise through ten k calories or so to only gain  weight ..as there just enou time in the day isn’t. not many of us can run thus on a full stomac.

 

ahh leftover bad jokes.

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365q 2,25/26/27/28

25.  what is MY superpower?

I thought about htis for about a week.  I’m still not thinking cleverly or ingeniously persay, so time to be a square.  whomp.  here’s what I’m good at so i’m told

making it sound yummy.

being confusing and or irrelavent….bad word it doesn’t exist  not seemingly being relevant…non-sequitorial.

sunshiney

odd

feel free to disagree or agree perhaps even add to it.

—-

26.  what is annoying me?

I’m not sure i have a good answer for this either,  i’m considering making movement back into working part time and my opening hope sis doo dooed on for being thuroughly impractical- why would i return to a job i knowingly do not like a city away to make someone else have to host me so it works out that i make money at it?  thuroughly impractical if not presumptively rude.  this leaves me to the same hassles here of how the hell am i going to make it work when it’s always leftovers work hunting or evenings and or weekends… thus as the majority of busses stop at around sic pm. I’m left walking home at night or getting a bad= or essentially paying more that up in denver across two days to travel safely to and from for likely not such a respectable job as is offered there here.  I say this as i’m not kidding while i’m not dead broke I’m five bucks from going out tonight with family friends thus would be that… person presuming if I choose to to but did not go out..  it’s not pleasant being pinchier not working.  I suppose i could say this “annoys” me but depresses is a better term so to combat it leaves me on infusion of cash solving the paperwork parts of my problems and going out after something rather than nothing. but even then, this is more or less a get off my butt if i want something to happen rather than being annoyed truly later that it can not and did not because i didn’t.    but back to the point I’m not sure i’m annoyed or depressed about that,  i just finished a book, now that’s annoying coming to the last dot.  now what? 😉

===

27.  I’m not sure that it isn’t perfect. it’s a fine day – yes despite having had to calously claim poverty to a good time,  or that i had a great new to me ramen, a black ramen…no not phyically black black package for black soup… the one base was sul do tang – a korean word for ox tail soup with thick tasty noodles that this version made spicy so it looked initially like tom yum, a vietnameseish dish of spicy shrimp.  I wasn’t horrendously woed but it was new and thuroughly different.

it has three, count them THREE soup bases the “red” packet is just that red thing… if you’re not a spicy lover, skip this or reduce this packet!- the golden soup base was that too golden just like a oxtail soup picture and then there is a vegetables packet  for them bits.  it’s a BIG package so pan on being full …rrp.   for the day the pictures disappear, nongshim brand shin black noodles soup: spicy pot au feu flavor. inside the one soup base is labeld sol du tang.. spelled occasionally differently WAY differently to mean korean oxtail soup…courtesy of wiki and other search points.

28.  What stresses me.

another stumper, I don’t feel particularly hypertensive yet, I’m not entirely sad that i have a part time job connundrum going, I’m not saddened to hopefully host my other portion of the family to finish out the month, nor that i promised to essentially get up early tomorrow and go help the neighbor hopefully friend move stuff one way or another, I’m not rich so turning down outtings is easier now but that’s not a huge disappointment or stretch because i did go out last night to the local dive – the hatch cover bar, it indeed is a multi floored place with bathrooms  mens at the bottom of the stairs and the ladies just under them slightly feeling central to walking in the front door…so as that should have been easy to spot and wasn’t, i still sorted it out – It serves waffle fries pitcher of normal commercial is about 14 dollars or 3.5 a beer for something slightly nicer if all can agree or don’t wish to pray for “specials” or deals or there isn’t any other… their regular hot hotwings were okay, but the one spicy thai one had a crisp like fresh fried chinese saused up and a peanut buttery tone typical to thai… very very good.  I didn’t leave fully cognicent and the soft taco return home was quite tasty. but stressed?  I can’t say i am, I’m not sure it isn’t perfect or it wont be getting into this second book.

 

books, finished “assault and pepper” tamar myers  a who done it that truly waits til the end to reveal ctitical details as if you’re having the epiphanies with the main character.  it differs from another era book i liked “who is killing doah’s deer.” jeff markowitz in that they share female sleuths, they share oddly similar modus croakuses wherein…oh wait that’s a spoiler 😉 but they differ in that one’s jersey, this place is amish fringe small town.  and tamar’s sleuth is so out spoken but thin thin skinned, which in a way makes not the drinking pal cassey might be, but just as human.

the other book is a travelogue book on mexico by the national geographic.  it covers features of nature a bit of travel advice unuseful to me but if the ladies get a compliment/attention take it as such a compliment!  not everyone’s a mad lothario bent on pinning prizes tween the bedposts!…oh? that’s useless for me to know. now.  but what isn’t is the pictures.  looking up a town called madera closer to chihuahua well into the hills and that means snow and other weather, is far more mysterious and pretty via the internet but the town of monterrey, well big big town of monterrey is actually visually more stunning in this book with fair more to do like wow mineral spring pool snorkeling? that’s liable to be pretty as all get out.  so it too promises to be a tour through travel opinion, but the secret ideas of sis and beau are baja california.. hmph, so much for the research. 😉

so, there, i finished the entire month helping myself to the questions –  I suppose I should be shot for not being more playful or ingenious… oh well ;).

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learning curve

STUFFED PRETZELS… DO NOT GET ME WRONG THEY’RE TASTY AND BUDGET FRIENDLY TOO  AS PREPARED VIA A CAN OF PIZZA DOUGH SPRAY OIL CHEESE SHREDS AND SALT OF COURSE AND MY SECRET SALT – MCCORMICK’S MONTREAL STEAK SEASONING FOR THAT GARLIC TWANG, AND DASHES OF SMOKE FLAVOR ATOP THE ROLLED AND FORMED BISCUIT… IT’S TASTY IT LOOKS PRETZEL LIKE… AND YET IS ALSO SWIFTLY GONE WHEN OUT OF THE OVEN BUT I CAN NOT PUT MY FINGER QUITE ON IT, I’D NOT PAY FOR ONE COMMERCIALLY. I’D BE PLEASED IN EVERY OTHER WAY BUT PAYING.  LEARNING CURVE.  DON’T KNOCK IT AS IF YOU DIDN’T TRY IT BUT IN THIS CASE THE EXCITEMENT WAS ALL IN THE EFFORT  NOT THE RESULT….NOT HELPFUL – THE FORK TO STIR THE JAR MARINAR UP FLUNG A  DOLLOP OF SAUCE EVERYWHERE TOO.   YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT THE PRETZEL’S FAULT BUT IT’S PART OF THE EXPERIENCE HAVING A DIPPER NEEDING STIR.

 

I SWEAR I’LL END UP BEING A DISAPPOINTED SUSHI WANNABE AS I KNOW I’LL NEVER PERFECT THOSE SKILLS EVER- DO NOT MISUNDERSTAND ME I CAN OPERATE A  KNIFE AND PREP FOOD JUST THAT THIS IS ONE POINT WHERE EARLIER MECHANICAL TESTING SHOWS THAT YEARS OF DEDICATION FOR MINIMAL ACHIEVEMENTS IS MY LOT.  WE DO NOT PAY FOR MINIMAL BUT WOWS SO I SHANT AGAIN HAVE A PRAYER  COMMERCIALLY COOKING  WHICH I SUPPOSE IS FINE I DO NOT GET OFF ON INTERNAL MASTERY  OR DAILY ACHEIVEMENTS ONE BY ONE VIA MY OWN OPPINION BUT THE ADDULATIONS OF OTHERS HOWEVER OBVIOUSLY FALSE… OR IS THAT NOT SO OBVIOUS? 😀  I LOVE YOU IS A REAL ADDULATIONAL SCORE AND I ‘VE SEEN IT NOT MEAN THAT OR NOT LONG ENOUGH TO MATTER.  LEARNING CURVE.

 

I’VE ASSULT AND PEPPER A BOOK BY TAMARMYERS – IT WAS PUBLISHED IN AUGHT FIVE OR OVER TEN YEARS AGO.  IT IS NEW TO ME.  IT OPENS WITH THE DEATH BY ANAPHALACTIC SHOCK BY PEANUT ALLERGY WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO MANY OF THE POOR DEPARTED REVEREND YET THE WHO DUNN IT OF THIS BOOK IS JUST  THAT WHO WHACKS THE REVEREND WITH THE PEANUT BUTTERED CHILI?  I’M SADDENED AS I LIKED MY WHO’S KILLING DOAH’S DEER BOOK AS A WHO DUNN IT AND IT PUBLISHED  SIMILAR TIMEING HAS A SIMILAR DEVICE OF DEATH.  I’M LIKE HAVING RIP OFF PAINS HERE.AND YET I WANT THE RECIPES PROMISED.  I’LL LIKELY READ IT JUST GIMME A MOMENT TO BE DISAPPOINTED.

 

OR IN OTHER WORDS THE BRIGHT BULB IDEAS AREN’T ALL THAT NEW ANYMORE…NOTHING IS NEW UNDER THE SUN SO THAT PROVERB GOES.  LEARNING CURVE.

 

I CALLED THE PREVIOUS BOSS, I HAVE MY TAXES INFO COMING.  I HAVE A JOB IF I WANT IT.  I’M FLUNKING TRYING GREAT NEW IDEAS THAT EVEN I KNOWING MY INGREDIENTS SOME SHOULD KNOW BETTER WHAT TO EXPECT.    LEARNING CURVE.

AND YET I FEEL COMPELLED TO LEARN FROM SCRATCH SOME DAYS.

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in the dark of the night….

The title is a lyric to a song within the movie “Anastasia” – an animate film. Evil christopher Lloyd sings of his hopes the END of poor anastasia.  😀 because poor anastasia wont be little for long poor or not, it’s snack time!

I have a notion and much but not all the supplies for making a stuffed pretzel which the video for said is in the blog preceding this one. but

so you do not forget the notion…. a stuffed  pretzel..

I’m dreaming and scheming of how this’ll go down the best.  I have plenty of smoke juice so for a change i do not need to spend an extra dollar or 3 on buying already smoked cheese.  I’m thinking mushrooms to which comes the notion of marinating them

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/tyler-florence/marinated-mushrooms-recipe.html

or the even more tasty omnivorous approach of a stuffed mushroom

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/sausage-stuffed-mushrooms-recipe.html

i don’t quite see how lemony cheesey mushrooms would work so hot as I haven’t got around to trying or do not remember trying mahon cheese of minorca off the coast of spain… mahon.. mayonaisse.. if you ever wondered why i may have zilch problems remembering their cheese because I like me some mayonaisse.. and now ina’s offering is grand and deliciously mmm looking- but i don’t see how i can stuff mini mushrooms small enough to roll into pretzels with lil stuffed mushrooms in there.. I just don’t and this leave me wondering if i’m not back at pizza  which I don’t wish to try after with a pizza dough in a can as this stuff is not much more than bscuit dough or that typical dijiorno taste…which isn’t bad but it’s not the biggest stand out as wow or new….   so i’m wondering how and which way to more simply marinate mushrooms to sautee them perhaps with some onion witch also tends in my oppinion to go with cheese and get back to the me version of a stuffed pretzel.

you know this means the pepperoni is going to have to be sacrifaced so I can think 😀

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365q 2,23 + 24

what made me feel secure today?

whose life did I make a difference in today?

 

 

I called my first of two employers today, I can not say i’d feel more securely wanted in being asked back to work- nor fairly admit i don’t make a difference in other’s days – for whatever reason.

I can not point out how much fun it is to share stupid jokes and see likes and comments pile in – i can not begin to say thanks for other’s making a difference for me just as it also appears just as clearly i caatch their attention difference making as I’m trying not to flog up the ego over.

I’m in need of cheese for making pretzel action.  I lack only that.

I reference this video which i saw additionally edited on the subject compressing it  and without the crappy loud music which i suggest you turn your volume off immediately…off, you shouldn’t need it anyways.  it’s pizza dough in a can in one’s grocery aisles with biscuit and cookie and cinnamon roll type product, its 1 cup of shredded cheese and optionally pepperoni be this pork based or turkey for dietary law or other reasons followers. a spritz of fspray oil and foil and some dipping sauce/marinara . utensils include a chef’s knife  and a spatchula unless you reuse a knife inappropriately a baking sheet or a sew layers to make a disposable sheet of said with your foil.  it’s simple.

I plan since I can shop for this, to utilize smoke juice- colgen liquid smoke and perhaps some sauteed veggies to stuff and top with.  you have to sautee veg or it never comes cooked in most pizza scenarios… just something to notes- it’s not said to be fancy, just cooked.  i’m thinking I can spare a few pennies more for sauteed onion and mushroom so as to make mine dynomite!…remember your jj evens jr.  good times…. and remember this makes it vegetarian and if I’d spend the effort gluten free which i wont, I do not wish to make scratch gluten free dough.  I will pick up some corn meal for release because that’s where it’s AT!

 

this is here just in case I didn’t make a difference in YOUR day.  heh, now to want more olives mmmmmmmm I have just expended my tonic so no tonic vodka and olive action and this was purposeful so i can say no eventually in honest meaning for tastes. 😉  but i have capers, olives a few dollars, a need to go shopping soon enough anyways… can I get tonic water daddy… which now is me btw… NO. you’re saving for your future! 😀

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365q2,22 god.com

What are three things i need to buy?

need likely is inappropriate a word choice.  I’d LIKE a few things…. a few things aren’t so easily for sale anyways …and I technically do not lack for much at the present moment that harms me to not have.  need is an innapproate word choice.

I went grocery shoppin so I obtains the stuffed pretzels stuff baring failures to double check my list , i got liquids different than just water and Cigarettes…i doubt anyone would say i need junkfood or poisons that smell bad as “needful” I’m not combating aphids so I don’t need tobacco products especially for personal ingestions…. I didn’t need fizzy orange juice fixing for possible vodka consumption either nor bacon, pepperoni piza dough to add cheese and dip in sauce after stuffed and baked for my snack foodie pleasures.  I’m not thirsty, I retain water if anything… tobacco however wanted isn’t a “need” just addictive which can be misconstrued as “pleasurable”  I just don’t need anything of that kind of buying

better wisdom aren’t exactly for sale- I’m not saying there isn’t any costs per say, there are but the product isn’t “for sale” it isn’t bought, it’s chosen and underscored to personal benefit as a result.  better health while attached to some personal choices obviously, isn’t wholly a product of them or this or that person might never “perish”.. I mean literally not spiritually or figuratively, let’s face it for all the evidences present we perish thus lose health… however again, no comprehensive health store of any creditable nature to this statement exists…now spiritually speaking…. faith paradigms differ on this subject believe in “god” and you’ll never perish… caviots all over that statement and woo EE! we could be here awhile…  moving along.  patience… again not for sale acceptance, peace etc again available in some measure or another but not technically for sale… I mean i can use these things but lol, not for sale.

so, neither love, patience, wisdom, health, acceptance, and quite a lot of spiritually sounding words are just not for sale.  might be shopping incorrectly… anyone know the right god.com? 😉

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cookery

.I made stuffed orange peppers again.  this time with italian sausage versus ground beef / rice.

  • Italian sausage neither hot nor johnsonville sweet style but ordinary italian sausage  Kroger brand $4 a pound
  • jasmine brown rice- I thought I had the regular white but I was mistaken. rought 8 oz. worth dry. I needed half as much… however don’t be in a rush to not make rice as peppers vary in size and you’ll not make more meat but add a bit more rice to  stretch. $0.50
  • onion powder for BROWN rice quite a lot at 2.5 table spoons worth leveled that is. $0.50
  • montreal steak seasoning $0.20 cents at most  6 shakes ish.
  • 4 orange bell peppers- top lopped of, de seeded and de ribbed/rinsed top’s steam part removed 4 @ <$0.90 cents each
  • shredded mozzarella cheese $1 worth 2.49/bag.
  • magic rice re-seasoner?  Colgen’s Mesquite liquid smoke 12 dashes/shakes $0.10

0 dollars four portions  and a 1.24 bag of gb’s and 1/3 stick of butter@ 50 centers and a roll of paper towels as clean up and napkins, and a 3 tabs of dishwasher soap  so roughly #13 dollars  divide out to be  say with garlic toasts about 4 bucks a person/ not an every day meal but sure is a treat.

if you want my particularls 375 oven lower rack or roughly the diddle. 34 -45 minutes-  i put the cheese on at 35 minutes and turned the oven off at 35 minutes and otherwise would have seriously burnt not just burnt the cheese which i actually meant to do I like me some burnt cheese.

that is part one of a six part demonstration video on how to make “new york deli style” pastrami.  it is exceedingly time consuming… not just a little exceedingly and I’m agog with interest.

the only thing this guy irks me on  is what you’ll see for yourself i’m guilty of mmyself… not strictly using a recipe and therefore eyeballing things.  I’d like you to note I’m better than i used to be and i can with effort learn to be someone else and or just do the work to present more like others because eyeballing is a far more difficult way to convey repeatable information. 😉

however, i was please.  I got enough of his needfuls to have what I need to try.  it uses a LOT of salt but he does fairly show this is soaked/rinsed well.  it takes 7-8 DAYS to prep and then cook once – he served his warm thus resteaming the brisket  for a whopping 8 hours cooking time…that astounds me- but i’ve done it  the slow roasting.      previously.

I also liked his explaination of why you cant get a corned beef and reseasonit as a pastrami.  corned beef uses dill and other pickle tones that cant be removed and thus you get a doctored corned beef not a pastrami taste.

however, the end result is a to die for bit of living… pastrami sandwich.  and his could be good.  but watching him  serve this as a sandwich showed me instantly where a 2.3 pound roast was one pound hot pastrami  with russian dressing…thousand island similar thing.. suerkraut with melted swizz or gargantuan sandwiches  a half being too much and? yep about 10 bucks if everything was on sale. but more likely 12.  serious deli action is surprisingly expensive.  i can’t believe i said 12 a sandwich…for home made…never quite the same sound as deli or restaurant and i don’t have an answer for you as to why i suddenly struggle thinking I don’t put out yummy.  I do.  however the interest here is

cookery, I’m going to have to and am ramping up to cook more as I make less and everything’s more expensive and I’m curious to move.  I know i can’t moonlight forever with the sis who’s newly married and her hubs just joined the army, but I’m sure for a few months it’ll get me down the road towards adventure if i’m allowed along.  if so.

 

if so. he begins secondary education to his job training itself in the opening of june. I suspect this means we move about then to san antonio. texas.  this serves to be delightful but shortly after this training he is slated to move to his duty itself wherever this is and I doubt seriously this time I’d be along  in fact i doubt any of the moving is mine but back somewhere likely to stage to my own moves.  but either way I have?  adventures on the horizon…. maybe.

 

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365q2,20+21

https://sp.yimg.com/xj/th?id=OIP.M19c7bb2caf52d770490598f902905798o0&pid=15.1&P=0&w=300&h=300

a link to a haha picture.

 

what car do i drive.  i do not drive or otherwise operate motorvehicle for any reason  I once couldn’t resist the chance in lesser circumstances.. in a low speed environment… and? driving is fine parking however is not a skill  so after the usual unfair feeling of being told I’m not allowed that freedom because parking into the house is..well bad… but shortly after it occured to me why i do not get to- it isn’t that i can’t actually operate the contraption and parking skills couldn’t be learned, I’ll never ever be able to thuroughly correct for other’s mistakes – I don’t mean duh I see accidnets nearly daily I mean duh others obviously cant either correct their own errors or those of others… but this isn’t the tense of the meaning.  I haven’t a chance to really try.  it is immoral to wantonly do things when you just are being risky… ohh gawd I said that and now i’m instantly square.

list my pets:

 

I own none at the moment.  I live with 2 great danes kona 4 a harlequin great dane harlequine meaning the spotted cow looking  mistaken for dalmations which are far far meaner creatures unlike gentle great danes…the other dane is Moe as in mosquer… he’s 2 male and the upstart. he’s nearly entirely all satiny black save for a white spot on his neck not unlike a priest’s collar….he’ll make you laugh but he’s not precisely “well behaved”  but much of his sins aren’t life ending.  i used to live with a cat that was sister’s his name was brother darkness… a black cat who was a real yeowler  as if chatty, he is in the house care of my brother now so the house didn’t have kitty company for the other roommate bringing another kitty who was more timid.  darkness is a bum of a cat he literally will not bathe himself and thus is treated to everyone’s favorite…giving a cat a bath as one has to…to add insult to this he lies around like coyote bait..but he’s a murderous lot and many a birdy or mouse met their end because of him leaving presents…ew.

previous to this was same cat but geronimo  the blue healer too,  geronimo is a bully and a pot stirrer  but a loveable cuss.  he’ll be a puppy much the entire life span of him or10 more years he’s like 4 . five ish.   prior to those two I had a string of dogs that liked to sneak out on ME then meet foul ends… interspearsed with two others of the canine situation that stayed longer  these were copper an irish setter caught garbage hounding and a despicable mess  which were some cosmetic surgeries just spent and she up and bought the farm.  ringo was a shibo inu and an absolute embarassment…no fan of cats would tear out across the street at 3am and bark a fierce war at the window of the one acrossed the street or during the day would bark and pitch a stinky noise fit about any ethnic people and or chase the electric scooter bound gentleman about the neighborhood  he gets  his lil knee fix and just as the cast’s off runs in front of a car.  during this time a bulumpa lab came to the house for whatever reason and as I say got out on me and ran into traffic after I didn’t see him…but of course he was following me….guilt… and the yellow puppy again gets out the door on me and this critter’s never seen again more than likely as cute as he was he was picked up as someone’s wow cute puppy running around .  also in this time frame of living with other’s pets was two kitties who didn’t take well to sis going dog owner on them and began pissing on everything and thus shortened their stays with us… I dislike getting sprayed literally in the face.  and a cuter kitty that about the time mom had had it to the gills with animals always grabbed one of us to make the last ride and do the letting go far away dirty work… wally was one such cat no claws fat as a house scared of his own shadow siamese.  but when mom’s had it out they go.  but then again mom was always allergic some to all and or any pets and had a nasty enough case of asthma the first partner in crime was another black cat a very sleek abbyssinean soft os silk  the nneighbors dog didn’t like it so bit her back end up and it festered til such was her end.. we didn’t know iwth her as it was an outdoor creature and it was not instantly apparent.  there were a few others during this decade 2 ago and one robin bird that mom wanted to raise.

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365q2,19 what or what

what questions my morals?

simple, I ain’t got a relationship. I’m middle aged now.   I’ve the world of women at my disposal – not all of them taken.  I can not seem to find one who is unattached in some way to someone else.  therefor i get absolute red light warning signs everywhere when love rears it’s head…. jaja make the jokes.

 

I mean, it’s one thing to say in any analysis, i cheat no one saying the words or emoticons i do, love is visceral – present.  not just dreamed of in words.  so words mean nothing  – when words are all i have and i type so so badly and rarely edit….  kiss it.  a big moon for you.  but it does.  it does challenge my morality to know words mean everything or at least more than nothing at that particular moment.   words are often all i have.  and i type so so badly and so rarely edit… ja ja, 😀 …

I have hurt as the choices were made and i wasn’t the one.  I have heard every justification  it seems around the dial saying it’s just bum luck it wasn’t me as otherwise the choices were made and i fit every criteria but taken.  … this is reading like a sad night after a beer but I honest beer or no beer can’t say i understand… the second kick in the face as you may love me or at leasst care – but to not see the situation is but the second mistake….not the first.  and thus, words are all i have and i type so so badly and rarely edit… 😀

 

now now!  pause for a slug of the worst stuff… i made the beer run, so this IS a beer fueled retro spective pile of palaver…  but the point! oh that what challenges my morals?  it’s the question – why do i more than ever wonder if all that exists is a least worst evils choice regarding my ultimate dream of affirmation of being about a helpmate?  because who’s helping whom?  am i only pickable if I’m useless in everyway thus the bar is my independence/ what you can get and it damn well isn’t another bill?  why do i suspect i’m expected to give up.  suspected.  i’m not that advanced of a spiritual creature.  why do i need to give up and “let god’ so to speak only to be disappointed and disheartened you ain’t worth a flying fuck to either of our lives?…sorry beer took over 😀  why should i give up so you can love me and be instantly unsure whether it’s yet again another choice that it’s enough but obviously no where near what i’d want nor life affirming to my hope i’m worth something as a human being in any standard not just a jaded you like me one?  an independently respected and verifiable standard?   — i.e. am i seriously to have zero pride in this life?  i know this is going to sound really fucking dumb- if you’re spiritually advanced, but don’t I get some pride? some ego?  i know this ultimately is the dumbest thing i can ever admit to- pride is shit.  not just for me… pride is shit.  hurts everyone and let’s fear grow.  i am afraid… why shouldn’t iwalk the only path i’ve been shown for ME works?  let pride go… let the lesser folk have the pride. I can lose in strength all my life and win.  prideful insertion possible here 😀

 

so there you are.  what challenges my morality is the elevations of fear.  my fear s are simpler, i’m unmarried and in lessening health as in what’s all this to mean i’m blah! aged!! it should matter.  i should have something to show for this life.  blankity blank and where is that idiot woman to validate my existence as a lesser being there only to elevate ME?  – you didn’t expect misogeny out of me – did you? 😉  i am regrettably male.  my apologies. and bigger assholes have stolen your heart or your virginity or anything worth saying it mattered long ago and i am supposed to be nice…only to await the next I’m sorry????  D’OH!!!! that beer again!  there i go asking questions, dreaming hoping, living fearing  and trying anyways to my last breath or trip to the liq. 😉  we all know my love affair can be anything that surprises me… telegraph time 😀  JUST LIKE A COUNTRY SONG!!!

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365q2, 17.18

what was the last (new) thing i tried?

I tried not loaf-a-loafing about the house and succeeded taking the dog down the block a couple of bus stops worth to a field… this didn’t result in any measured peace from the one still not done with “heat”  but there was some happy rambling.

I tried something different at taco bell – I usually try to get a burrito supreme or aa taco or a toastada… today’s different life-altering change was… I got a steak soft taco versus a chicken one and I have not done that in many years.

I tried making swift concise sense of my political leanings and failed by needing to explain pages on pages deleted.  my point of view is either not one of the majorities or is that and further unpopular by being picky pants atop that thiniking I have some kind of earth – changing opinion.  I may, but it’s still likely to be unpopular first 😉

I tried getting a recipes stuff and precisely what I’d want or need no more no less and left having spent 21 on the day and didn’t  consume every nummy i got nor buy beer.

I tried NOT starting with a yummy beer and wanting the usual too much and succeeded in not consuming alcohol this waking day.

I tried passing gas and succeeded…while this is bad news to your nose, I dare say it’s a prize for not adding to my laundry. however, this isn’t particularly new””

I said hello to the new neighbor lady. I didn’t tryat being all amazed wow a single female here of all places!  i didn’t try to schmooze a date or better. what a big huge surprise she isn’t single and my sister’s advice of try madly foolishly to bang anything that moves versus politely waiting to meet what now isn’t a single lady but a very very married one 😉  even to the point of saying the obvious sure i may chase enough online0 but I am no more a ruination of anyone’s lives for a free flop on thursday hopefuls.

I tried eating the damned pasta egg salad… i’d like to think I’m happily fed and not wasting what foods about the house entirely nor my means chasing taco bell winds, but almost sensibly enjoying my time.

of course i tried not ignoring the damned noise or smiling as it’s my chance to be giving/ loving… poor pooch is besides herself still in heat.  so it’s pay attention to me i’m dying!  but I’m still trying to do nice things and or be nice. do as in say take the annoyance for an extra long walk special …

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my biggest hope is….I’m not sure but I know empowerment and fulfillment can be achieved without me using such as n entrapment of either myself or others.  don’t you worry, i surely would and somehow everyone knows and some li ke me despite my evils ;).. don’t get away with everything but they like me 😀