It’s a bright grey with the tinges of gold as it rains. I have my tea again to the exclusion of coffee – unfortunately this is because I got a coffee I just cant understand why I cant make it good. I have work to do on getting this or that paperwork back in order and finishing the years of ignoring my papers in general resolved. I must worry again about how I can perform well. I’m touched by the thoughts of those around me.
Tmedium roast columbian coffee. I got this at target and I can’t manage to make a passable cup of coffee as this stuff, unlike the more typical dark roast columbian is exceedingly bitter. I follow my know directions to make mine well and have either found one I dont care for or such again having pissed off not just the usual kitchen gods most mad at me pretending to the holiness of food with my poor skills but now the life to many itself, I’ve the coffee god mad at me. in typical blasphemy, we’ll now mosey onwards to tea.
I’ve been fortunate and pleased too to have a drawer of tea to dip into. twinning oolong irish breakfast and lapseng su chong along with a good earth spicy tea. a looseleaf chinese green with or without pineapple syrup. *I’m trying to work up the courage to make chai with bobas like the fancy drinks at a variety of asia in america places.) and a variety of others I’ll get to. Its hard to not want alcoholic beverages and or soda pops be that diet or regular and I have moments of ansiness… but I’m finding my happiness in things far better than a forever snap of an opening beer or other aluminum canned bevvie….even if I’m convinced the coffee god is mad at me now. probably because I once sneered walking into an aa meeting in the early nineties and was revolted at the buckets on buckets of cigarette butts and remember I was a smoker then with the sawdust special by the gallon of coffee and here I am 20 years later trying to drink too much healthyier or be that little bit different if only because I dont want to be the same person.
I have made as I pointed out a little out of the book easy chinese as in only a pork roast and the pork fried rice with it’s leftovers. it’s originally due today. I have a few pennies in change instead of hundres saved amazing the difference of ignoring collecting a paycheck… I did as I hoped, gained employment here right around the magic end of my timeframe of 3 weeks to begin the earning. I’m sscared in a way as they want me for afternoon evening and cart collecting um it’s dark out and I’m already short sighted… or worse to clean a commmode which is easy but for it to last when I fear that so many of the guests are a tad rude at my new job . and yet remember I’m used to this and also that most of my issues are? being happy to jump to it as needed and remember so many people waitt to engage others on a you failed yourself and me lets enjoy you suffering when likely nothing could be further from the truth but being peacefull still is important to the outcome of keeping employed. I mean I know this but it worries me I might be asked to do a lame job and not be good at it. yet funny I’m often far better than I’ll ever give myself credit for. lets see if I remember the good of this.
I also swore i said something true but could have skipped sharing, careful never to let gratefulness mask an expectation of outcome.. it’s true that I can be grateful but I also best be damned careful not to let that cloud my judgement of connecting this to some sort of expected outcome. I got a job on seemingly my own merit yet why cant a former director manage a job or what better fun than to offer bathroom cleaning to him because I haven’t a schedule to allow me to be abused with closing a department on the forever weekends. yet I could be just the joke others need to play on others. I don’t know and neither do I even know if I can put up with the all of a sudden perfect expectations either… that’s my take on what my words me to me even if they were found reading others.