a smile held close

the first of spring folk –
joining in the party now –
fIn’ly a dawning.

looks, no boss to greet
and ahhh carries through the day
one more check to come.

I had participants finally! that’s a nice day for work. spring finally is come. I came home to no beer as it rained …i.e…..sprinkled a little…. so one day’s glug gone is achieved. despite it sounding convenient, mom’s gone through her birthday which doesn’t feel like a financial win but a stamp of the foot ugh! I can’t bring the joy- just call and right on schedule lol I forget the dates exactly lol….guess I’ll have to call more.

I enjoyed my coffee and should get after something more. I highly doubt a tea with 2 teaspoons honey, a single1/6tth slice red baron pizza slice a lil cream and two packets sugar qualifies as a proper day’s food intake…and believe me I don’t lack food nor kindly help me into a bite if I let theme at work either…plus there’s a bbq tomorrow night…but I may call it a day with an insulin check.
I’m happier and a tad at peace after the usual biblical lesson on an unusual saturday afternoon…. wherein justice and a crushing sense of being with no voice can be let to god to show the truth’s light…bummer the verse jumbles after 30 of them… I know with feel happy religious book it was. it reminds me i serve me, it often seems unfair but the more I fight unfair the more I lose. I thus can easily see myself quit not of continuing pay but the peace that not fighting leaves me to ignore some the irritating wind of what I hear….now now, can’t get caught not listening and claiming don’t care…bad! but in effect it’s nothing personal, I can not fight the feeling of whim…. I don’t know and likely won’t the real reasons….but it needn’t seem a tragedy my situation so long as I continue learning more and more to bring the positive.

even if tomorrow is more of the same old I still come out ahead twice I show some numbers which means initiative/ performance. about time!


alert, bad attitude.

the reprieve from the worst of my news of the week was short. my support system not zero but fast exhausted to stop whining when I called mom…is over. my last swallow which was a pint of whiskey oops was downed (for me). I’m on borrow beer. and I still have a bad attitude.

dinner was good. however, as I knnnow how to cook since it also wasn’t perfect sianara reputation for the effort.

I’m beginning to sense i have ignored my russian literature for awhile. this is beginning to sound like a farce of blackest comedy! or alert, bad attitude. 😉


you may not care right now…Dinner

I’m not sure as in too lazy to photo. but I did my roast with wine and all salt of a smokey kind. the roast is well done now just basting to hold time. the potatoes should be done at 7:15 at three fifty one hone fifteen minutes, i have butter salt and sour cream for them a simple bit of greens and sautéed veg I can find two pieced of red pepper and some summer squash for that.. no onions as I’ve an onion hater to ruin a fine dinner. it’d adjusted correctly for salt if to the underside slightly correctable at table.

basically, it’s browned gorgeous and I’m hungry and as usual it is time for folks to arrive but they haven’t so i hold as long as I can.


Drama of a different tune

mathew wilder’s break my stride which with production acumen lead to music composition for Disney’s Mulan later.
the relevant lyric here is:
sailed away to to china in a little row boat to find ya

oh how romantically nauseating!

it would appear that kowtoon to beijing by high speed train is 12 hours and with minor upgrade is about 1200 yuan or in this hot second’s exchange $200 USD per person additionally it is roughly 800 kilometers more by slower train from beijing to shenyang for roughly $40 more per person to get closer to a lil place called Jixi City nearer the Russian border. of course this seems easily possible til the double it so I say got back to town and neglects hotel and in town travel food and shopping poo lala! but,

imagine the ludicrousness of getting into a row boat on lake khanka and rowing to “china” again…I’d doubt I’d get to the russian border within the lake but I could feel like I sailed in a lil rowboat to china. 😀

round trip my town to hong kong is 1500 now so tantalizingly possible. but not yet.

pictures of what is possible.

a pretty train stain, kowtoon, or the mainland not exactly but close to hong kong.

possible countryside as one flies by through china

nightclub in beijing?

shenyang botanical garden

outside surely of shenyang is real operating fright hauling steam locomotives! the very juxtaposition of new versus old!

lake khanka sharing the border between Russia and China…now to find a rowboat to sail away TO China 😀

jixi city street food….NOOODLES.

and perhaps TEA in China? be a bit dumb to miss that boat. 😀

(it would seem I don’t need to overly worry over others issues, I do so out of habit really as it WAS how I had to live, it does appear that I am further along to a point I forget that I’m further along….on many levels save ye old heart just breaks and the sky is falling cause some little birdie farted in the wind some fowl/foul news.)


a little delayed

Ipost a post of despair as it felt like it and if handled poorly can easily be despairing. however, I have more tools to cope than I did a decade ago and I’ve kept the tools sharpened and improved where possible. so, what can be a despairing shot at bankruptcy isn’t but a minor blip on my financial planning calendar and actually improves my time table of empowerments.

yes, a family member got the tax bill.
I thus am not responsible for this misfortune.
while effected by it, I do not have to do anything but provide aide where I can at my discretion.

it is amusing that I worked like a devil sucking it up and not quitting in disgust and worked to keep an eye towards my financial tools grown so as an adult I might have a safety net other than that of my parents. so, its a few months to reclaim that power and recycle it again paid and thus recycle it again to squish the misery the tax man offers… this puts me ahead of my goals in a way as that leaves me a month of every bill of my house operations ahead and my own goal of my rent two months in. this allows me to help if you’d call it that or offer.

remember all those 22 years of I did my own taxes to only a 250 paid more in that time not these life squishing bills? I didn’t have the respect then for the achievement but it is actually a blessing I know how and did well. sure I got scared nearly a decade ago I blew it by 250 bucks dollars and never filed til 2013’s season….turns out I owed nothing pfew! but this foolish head in the sand versus checking cost me a chance to attend school for the third college try as I didn’t appear for lack of taxes filed to be a resident…a reminder that while I could prove easily that I was for a decade no less in just a simple document listing my addresses over time via a government agency… it was too late as I was dropped and that class filled. but as I say, I’ve done my best and built on it to be good with the situation presented. have means to make it go away, realization of how to do so and for my own reasons none of which are entirely look at me…I mean duh, but you’re still free to disagree with the wow.

perhaps soon it will occur to me that I am not over the past just yet.


:) right on time

I did my bit and got close to paid zero to fight for international romance/travel etc only to choose a summer of pissing that and any quick dream away or be forever selfish fucking family over in their time of woe and need. I didn’t trust the 15 time fined timed tax cheat handling my paycheck. I didn’t cuss my employer for choosing his mistress well or not so. yet it appears I will suffer the worry of poor decision making and risk my own dreams because of poor brain power. and remember, no one will respect the outcome of the decision either way because of the fact I painted ME into this poor corner of outcomes…just by simply hoping I’d get some help towards my hopes and dreams instead of realizing pay for them myself and be ever vigilant of this shit and avoid the smell of it or boo too on me for being foolish enough to court it with foolish I say indecision.

not a back hell of a summer to fight through as I’m on the hook til semptember 14st see me clocked in at work thus one day after proving 2 full years of work by rules or the first chance at proving my future. I have 3 such chances and then maybe I have a better one the second is zeroed out paid in full everyone to begin saving and the third is proven 3 years on the job….everything else is bullshit lies. but funny how little I’ll get til the year is through especially if i make a poor string more of choices courting failure at every turn. it’s as simple as saying yes or no. what a grand job I do paradoxically say no to me or my future saying yes somehow to failures of responsible distance and stuff. don’t mind me I’m mad at myself for failing yet again.

I’m even reasonably sober so as not to compound the failure some more.


truth suffers.

about the only spannish *western) song I really like.

still not a big beets fan either but:,-105.065884,15z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x0:0x19e25e27e378f1d6
it is precisely because they don’t serve it up Harvard, just like the 9/11 explanation worthy of 1000 years of conspiracy theories – thanks to their authoritativeness, Yale Beats. yeah yeah, it’s precisely because of yale we get a shot at conspiracy but shhhh I still like the beats.
or sweet heat kebabs… shh it, this is not the actual thing as I’m not wasting an hour to find my photo on Facebook and all that nonsense when it still looks about the indistinguishably similar to this chicken kebab with cranberry sauce. pork with cranberry teriyaki glaze or chicken kebabs with cranberry sauce same look entirely different tastes.

+ ad nausium
I’m not against flavorings. I’m not at all but I am no longer 20 or younger so I do get a sissy complex looking at what is a flavored alcoholic beverage and remember ZIMA was once popular then it became everything from captain morgain’s this to Schmirnoff That….and it still was faggoty to begin with getting a beer when if you want a clear beer just get a damned vodka bozo! the foggoty clown?! I know I’m being insensitive to my gay friends appearing, please understand I’m an incentive child of the 80’s school of it’s cool or GAY…. as in not cool whether or not the group is or is not. I thus apologize in a way, but then again I’m also eliciting a kaleidoscope of what is cool gay or not…for instance the production of “Memoirs of a geisha” was homosexual and the movie a masterpiece of presentation and fashion raising th e bar o f what you can imagine as stylish…please come at me like said, with not the recriminations of i being a hateful know-nothing but wow, you think it’s not cool to be GAY? look at this… I won’t switch sexual orientation, mind but I would like to delight in the magic available. that at least is what I want but I didn’t exactly ask nicely, so I get what I get.

why the long preamble?

I’m listing things I dislike. youthful advertising because I don’t feel a part. I look at the new things and think mad dog 20/20 of 20 years ago or thunderbird and the homeless of 30. boones farm wines like strawberry hill – does anyone know how fucking sour strawberry wine is? it’s poetically the opposite of plundering youth.

I guess I suffer a little from…truth.



healthcare, schooling housing prices to a limited extent, and etc rise to the times. moron skies the world over having told their kids thee’s no better gamble than education to improve your standards….of course people always fall ill or fall period so healthcare isn’t going anywhere but to heavenly profits, housing still comes and goes but I swear it’s a bank scheme to sell another mortgage and keep lowes/home depot from closing. tobacco has not increased in 155 years in value it has plummeted yet the price sure has skyrocketed in taxes. but I’m after the italian restaurant..sing your billy joel or something…where once wine of france held sway as a watchword of posh yet I get nice quality new wines more or less at discount save italian wine… that competes with reputation to have grown in value as france declines in cost. it’s odd too that lots italy grows in cost as gourmet attaches to it. pancieta or bacon with the name costs a premium, cappicola is also a premium for ham genoa all of a sudden taste like a cheap salami sandwich but an elegant treat… yet the ultimate is gett crostini to be a dressed crouton at fabulous prices to be an appetizer…and everyone knows espresso technically b american buying habits of a generation ago is a lesser coffee altogether but a delicacy tree now…yet cafe coffee but popularized by the french so they could sell us doughnuts …well it’s amazing again how in love we are with gourmet but use italy as that watch for even if we still aspire toward french approval…yeah right.

it amazes me what we value and without that new word in values we haven’t an economy. con there is always a con in economy.


wine saves the day.

I said I had a worry that I enjoyed my chinese too much with that their soya salt stuff they’ve got. a few days of careful salt intake and finally screw-it, not the top off that was a cork, I made wine spritzers.

chateau ste michelle’s sauvignon blanc of 2012: starts tasting like crappo chardonnay which means tg I got the pop and juice.
diet squirt is a fine enough grapefruitish twist
welches passionfruit Juice – City it’s all pretty red on the bottle and passionfruit can be that but oh no, the juice is something yellowish….so much for setting sail with captain margin a two fists of mai tai’s the color’s wrong…it gotta be reddish! passion. not chicken yellow passion! all poetically wrong.

well 70 oz fluid on the day is more than half instead of a 1/3 back again so the crisis salt is over. of course right now I want chinese right on time for lunch!

anyone with a grain of common sense knows that wine spritzers of the white wine are providing only a smile pretty much for health so patience and good procedural habits likely save the day. and as i feared I don’t think it was the salt at all but good old fashioned high wind and low water intake or dehydration versus salt, the reason is the only woe I felt was sugars not the greasy confused of non-cleansing. this said, Ignore that! Wine saves the day!


paradigm shift ( ps )

once, gasoline was provided with tetraethyl lead. “leaded” gas worked great to lubricate key parts and also improve upon performance issues otherwise worse without it. yet once there was steam and electricity and before that some beast of burden. paradigms shift.

now alcohol offers an alternative to gasoline in say brazil which is cost effective competition and also homegrown and renewable.but before this is some revolution, it has to be practiced upon a scale governments live within…this just can’t be right so few control everything key. prior to this there was struggles to get enough. but just as it can and did succeed, so too could it have failed in a squeaking rats running away rich with what is also hopes being stolen to a place to die.

Unions once were the only way to get a better slice of the pie. it wasn’t enough that there was work but a measure of fairness was demanded. however I highly doubt anyone working in union ogg now would complain of the superior chances unions still provide for very long anyways. yet who will note the very divisiveness unions are was a social setback as some thought a glorious way forward? for you see some and well chosen by skin tone and sex made it…others were left to dream of what could be. oh the others got theres as did jimmy hhoffa wherever he is. so did the nazis playing the same game of divisiveness to reap the grand eve of limited success…. go look at the wages of what unionism in the nineteen ten america and the mid thirties germany meant to a working man and remember it’s not my job to support the world as I am not atlas of greek mythology…yet smell the smell. it reaks of social injustice…that lead to union voting blocks of over a million who would swing power to those to knew the chances in this new then paradigm.

now we find ways to use for decades now ceramicatalyst to more effectively convert what otherwise is waste petroleum back into gasoline. this is great news in a world told it just has less of the good supplies left. we have little invasions where we claim unfair as we should yet do little if not less to fix the issue as who cares about that place when we’ve 2.xx gasoline again yet prices haven’t gone down in other markets. taxes other all will go up so they can appear to go down for some. paradigms keep shifting as gas lost it’s lead and became more efficiently made unions once the lifelong bread butterer now are banned outright or made mute if they exist at all as people aren’t interested in fair as so few have the fair or the butter…social projects are grand but communism or the grand expression of the people is shown bubkiss at heart and yet strong in whatever form is still winning. backlash is everywhere if not a win today then in time the win tomorrow…or, the paradigm still shifts… but does it really?

I still want mine. if I don’t get enough, I will. complain. I am not interested except in what will gain me. is this true? is this the energy?