I’ve been told all my school life I’m adhd. add to this,pun intended, angry and or obstructive and or difficult.
read my writing without benefit in most cases of medical expertise. see if you do not see how I slowly show signs after 20 years of giving up long enough to get a little ahead.
of course you know I can not see well….maybe that’s more to blame at 300 a visit optometrist and 11-18 a pair of prescription eyewear to eliminate the eye issue first as more important to resolve to still lose a column in a quick scan thus in important documents of dates and information give the occasional error. surely not seeing makes finer sense than bogey brain it is of whatever pain in the elfin’ ass is called these days.
note how hardly a thought hasn’t 30 tangents and might not ring true to the opening theme by it’s conclusions. scatterbrained begins here. but it COULD be more classically symptomatic of to many thoughts crashing together. beer’ll take care of some of that I won’t have a clue what even I’m on about after enough of them.
outside of one overdose on ritalin well near 30 years ago, won’t elfin touch it, ever. again. I generally am calmer to a point of taking a nap waiting in stressful long lines. or dexedrine might work a tad too cleanly and well but ritalin is still dog droppings. it only works in the wrong ways and surprise mania whee. splat. cigarettes are mildly affective as a behavior to keep in practice with calm behavior with the magic puff… the gren puff only leeds to hating people and sad drops thought of off cliffs. given other indicators of health even with a cessation of smoking you’ll not see a wise doctor get the brain stuff sorted out as it’s the very risk factors I can not take on. so, this is NOT a consideration of hypochondria, it just a fun for me waste of 15 moinutes.
work in general, i have to be able to hear multiple thought streams visual cues and recognize people in an instant as it sure don’t take long to stand up lose balance and fall or push a door open and roll out for FREEDOM I must be bored for x hours a day to the point of graceful good attitude because it’s seriously only a few seconds to hours of crisis. I’m only so needed and valuable to my contribution to a team so please avoid thinking this is self importance. so being alert and on MY tasks oddly can not be listed as a heavy factor in adhd then versus now. but how much beer did that really take. currently about 1/2 of what I make toss in a buss pass and perpetual clothes horsing as I’m only as effective as my fancy new shirt and ability to show up on time on saturdays sundays and holidays…and pretend I contribute…
to add to the above, I pt more and more action consequence together than I used to. I list like a man possessed as if it doesn’t go in that order it likely won’t ever see fulfillment…this leads to utter panic depression and poor attitude. it takes me 20 minutes to measure a thing that in actions with motion study require 2 minutes at best….thats the size of the list and the months of agony to walk a step forward.
now, it is very possible for you to see with this the possibility of me seeing one subject through. oh I can. it is possible I make sense…if I slow down! so that one thing I haven’t time to say you know the key you miss in the narrative 😉 get spake.
a whole lot of words to say it’s 3 am and I’m really about as unpoetic as possible and bored out of my mind. night night.