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definitions as misinformation

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder_predominantly_inattentive

I’ve been told all my school life I’m adhd. add to this,pun intended, angry and or obstructive and or difficult.

read my writing without benefit in most cases of medical expertise. see if you do not see how I slowly show signs after 20 years of giving up long enough to get a little ahead.

of course you know I can not see well….maybe that’s more to blame at 300 a visit optometrist and 11-18 a pair of prescription eyewear to eliminate the eye issue first as more important to resolve to still lose a column in a quick scan thus in important documents of dates and information give the occasional error. surely not seeing makes finer sense than bogey brain it is of whatever pain in the elfin’ ass is called these days.

note how hardly a thought hasn’t 30 tangents and might not ring true to the opening theme by it’s conclusions. scatterbrained begins here. but it COULD be more classically symptomatic of to many thoughts crashing together. beer’ll take care of some of that I won’t have a clue what even I’m on about after enough of them.

outside of one overdose on ritalin well near 30 years ago, won’t elfin touch it, ever. again. I generally am calmer to a point of taking a nap waiting in stressful long lines. or dexedrine might work a tad too cleanly and well but ritalin is still dog droppings. it only works in the wrong ways and surprise mania whee. splat. cigarettes are mildly affective as a behavior to keep in practice with calm behavior with the magic puff… the gren puff only leeds to hating people and sad drops thought of off cliffs. given other indicators of health even with a cessation of smoking you’ll not see a wise doctor get the brain stuff sorted out as it’s the very risk factors I can not take on. so, this is NOT a consideration of hypochondria, it just a fun for me waste of 15 moinutes.

work in general, i have to be able to hear multiple thought streams visual cues and recognize people in an instant as it sure don’t take long to stand up lose balance and fall or push a door open and roll out for FREEDOM I must be bored for x hours a day to the point of graceful good attitude because it’s seriously only a few seconds to hours of crisis. I’m only so needed and valuable to my contribution to a team so please avoid thinking this is self importance. so being alert and on MY tasks oddly can not be listed as a heavy factor in adhd then versus now. but how much beer did that really take. currently about 1/2 of what I make toss in a buss pass and perpetual clothes horsing as I’m only as effective as my fancy new shirt and ability to show up on time on saturdays sundays and holidays…and pretend I contribute…

to add to the above, I pt more and more action consequence together than I used to. I list like a man possessed as if it doesn’t go in that order it likely won’t ever see fulfillment…this leads to utter panic depression and poor attitude. it takes me 20 minutes to measure a thing that in actions with motion study require 2 minutes at best….thats the size of the list and the months of agony to walk a step forward.

now, it is very possible for you to see with this the possibility of me seeing one subject through. oh I can. it is possible I make sense…if I slow down! so that one thing I haven’t time to say you know the key you miss in the narrative 😉 get spake.

a whole lot of words to say it’s 3 am and I’m really about as unpoetic as possible and bored out of my mind. night night.

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About starmanjones

Everything and Nothing interests me. I cook read, write and even have to clean. I SHOULD NOTE: I'm 40 something.

8 responses to “definitions as misinformation

  1. It leads to poetry. Society tries to fit round pegs into square holes with drugs it deems legal prescribed by so-called experts. Is the a DSM code for “normal”? Who is pictured on that page? If the kid is having trouble learning the tools he needs to help him survive society well-meaning people try to help either by trying to find the kid’s learning style or the alternative. There aren’t a lot of resources available for the former so the alternative tends to work faster/better. Once the kid is an adult, he or she might have the skill to enter another’s reality unselfishly. But it’s the rare person who goes against example taught to him while he was growing up. Activities should be about this while keeping people safe and stimulated. I bet you weren’t bored while you writing.

    • 😉 no, not entirely :::::::D if I was it would end as an unpublished fragment to be scuttled in time. as to whether I buy into whether I’ve been given fair attention or unfair, it seems easier to go with the other comment about justice and fairness to admit I may have been zinged but what matters is the achievements and the more use I make of myself leaves open the more I’ll be protected from further injustice not for my sake but other’s interests. if this isn’t logically warped I don’t know what is. but it is my model it does bring me something to do and work at and time will show if I safeguard myself while trying for said “goals” I have… as this is about struggles the blog and whether I need help … well duhh I do, so like anyone if help is needed, help is paid squarely for or asked for with chance to graciously hear no….and still fight after what I want. whether or not I’m engaged or good at thinking which adhd says no I am not, hardly is any comfort but it is a good bit of information in avoiding some of the worst my decision making processes can lead to. unhappinesss 😀 it likely won’t matter what style I try after to my space but that I made a choice and efforts and understand landfill are primarily filled with other’s choices so new owners can inflict theirs. I know I can be aided by some drugs I am not in loop to maintain – but think also I am doing well avoiding the shrink some as there is still a stigma of needing any brain help. it’s a poor pass for poorer choices to outcome at the very best of my experience and deuce expensive with the very real likely outcomes its far more harmful for me now than a few clearer thoughts… what good is it to clearly understand that by amphetamines I risk mental instability shown once and kidney strain when mine are lessened just to essentially be worse off for the effort? I know sometimes I make this wonder into something very defeatist. but in a way it’s fair to say sometimes this is how I feel. I wonder if I am aided by a job I pay about as much for as I make….but would you understand again the stigma of unemployment? better to make nothing and work than have less and no job. where is the justice…what justice I’m blind and I either make myself useful or fight successfully towards….or I’m what is said…by choice. better now to not worry over what could have been as 20 years ago I may have better tolerated this line of exploration… hell even ten years ago when trying into second college I was told point blank that it’d only be 1000 to see if I needed the aderol or whatever again…and we all know with insurance then all of a sudden i’d have drugs viable on the market …or have been of possible use, I chose not to explore that as I didn’t have a grand to invest in being a modern drug pusher or theft target…probably a very wisest wimp out on my part really 😉 it’s a far different place to have to chose with real possibilities and cash down i aint got than it was a process begun for me go here take this etc as it was as a child. considering I live with others and knew I would….a long time… what good would being a target of theft be? never mind I suffered for my choice with a lessened chance to finish college bursting past some real obstacles of thought I wouldn’t explore if they were shippable. you can not tell me with completed college math which I struggle at 3 levels below it I wouldn’t with the ability to write which is far easier, test in out of far more towards easily completing that all hallowed piece of paper meaning more money in life and achievement…a college degree which doesn’t mean more money at all, my job can literally pay the same as it does with no hope of wage improvement or advancement but just a fraction more desirability and thus security. nursing however pays double and with college math is a viable degree/employment field I can have done. so while we contemplate the crying over spilled milk because i think in a jumble could have been helped once for a fee which elevated risks to my life and health all to “make it” well I’m a tad frustrated at the effort towards meaningless ness which is a complaint I doubt I’m alone in. the chances of this life are fleeting, as long as one’s alive it’s not too late sure and chances come from no where if they’re courted well…but they’re also choices and I suppose all this month of struggle and hell of it looking to be harder still to near basic minimum pennies more… well it’s chosen to be my path. I’d rather scrape like hell to a goal and feel empowered and achieved for having done something. this is proof I am middle-aged finally in that I care about showing something for the efforts life lived… it’s rather silly because so many feel it’s only piles of money that count and a lot of specific trappings. I too fight for ease and trappings I’m sure but ultimately for that acknowledgement I did good…lets be fair, such means only flattery. flattery is bubkiss more often than not. but, I will have courted opportunities more and hopefully you might agree that with judiciousness hellish struggle and a bit of fortune I may get better things to pursue. no garuntees. but I am not liable to go off my rails more often with chemical by products of usage, I’m not courting the worst of theft and I work my efforts more and more towards goals met and improved upon despite setbacks and struggles..that’s something to feel good about even if I can’t quite think as clearly as I may have had and still have a riskier shot at as after all I aint dead . 😀 obviously you can see the high stress worry hopefully clearly as daylight. I worry far to much at the outcome/meaning as much of life is simpler unsure and only courts more of the same….oomph and other’s free choice easy or hard to get what they want. in that sense I wish to be left alone or respected… well if I want it, work and pay after it..but be also careful that it’s not a tricky trap of being robbed some more…

  2. I hope you and your loved ones will be ok.

  3. This was interesting to read. Seems your struggle has been a struggle…but, you have handled it pretty darn well. You are survivor and a thriver! 🙂

    Years ago they thought all active children, especially active boys, were ADHD. And they were medicating them all. Glad they are more careful now.

    3 a.m. ramblings and writings are often poetic. Or about things that lead to poems. 🙂 At least for me. I’m a 1 a.m. rambler, a 2 a.m. rambler, 3 a.m. rambler…you see where this is going. 😛

    Rambly-HUGS!!!

  4. ordinarybutloud ⋅

    I might know a tiny bit about ADHD. 😀

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