No, i haven’t lost it quite again…if i ever had it anyways….I’m just past a harder moment with a clearer sense of it receding into the past.
in health news I can’t say I’ve taken mmy sugar levels but I haven’t had many out of food naps just one in maybe a wend or more. talso haven’t every day taken the not always so effective cocktail of pills again. I know this is counter to common prescription and to most sense at all. but if I take a lot of say thyroid and I still walk down a street to a sharp noise instantly followed by screaming bloody murder little person and red hate reminds me of my youth and a lifetime of injusticeses instead of the love I was shown…never mind people’s methodology a moment and just see that i was looked after best my folks knew how to…they most certainly offended me who at times can choose never a second to forget… I’d rather not that intensity and have changed my supply of b vitamins via more booze or beers over the years to in effect drink it away….or block.. why it serves me well as I cope better and maintain employment minus a few inexplicable oopses if I get too happy and skip the subway replenishment of the mind….bread is a great source of b vitamins you can intake while beer from the same is NOT as it depletes. you would think I’d stop this blasphemy against the right holy jimmy johns when in truth shit is what subways serves consistently now I only remember a dream of good subway bread as it doesn’t exist… the only thing is the y still serve a hot meatball sandwich with extra olives and sometimes onions h and jalepenos pepper only you know why. next the cocktail kidneys tends not to work so well with either salt intake or vernal over use of internal insulin I still produce versus the fakes….this means my magical three days without this or that pill kidney potion means I piss like a veritable racehorse by comparison now to wondering if i’m done for plumbing stopped up which is what 17 oz or less in a 12-14 period means versus half a gallon which is impaired significantly still but workable..however I feel the flush so hypertension won’t let that remain nor will naps be avoided for long as my balances stay maybe 8 days at most and come only after 3 weeks hoped after efforts to reestablish them. but here’s something telling. I know when it’s swinging towards bad when I can’t walk without twinge anywhere I’m out of breath even though it’s been less than 3 days since a big big exercise achievement but it’s “mall gone” all of a sudden… that’s of course a be careful to up the efforts as in it’d do no good to start running only into ticker trouble! but work it before you can’t! is the order of the day. just like after these hypertensive days leave when acids leave me thanks to the other part of kidney systemic flush allopurinol for gout which I never showed one classic sign…but that is a small feeling that is more and more obvious. I’m not 20 anymore. oh I don’t either fell hopeless here as many millions classically say time sneaks up but to know how isn’t a comfort. as to eating a damned pizza slice and having to spend 20 minutes with a entail pick to clean dental bits out? that’s damned annoying but as I’m after diabetes but not the hit it with potions always trick I know I have to hit the damned dental hygiene or i have breath ala bad but it’s classic odor foul also is deadly similar to being dead hungover…you already heard I like my drink but smelling like I like it on the job is bad bad bad bad mojo. never mind I actually don’t drink on the job nor 4 at least was my worst moment of mmm. one! beer. but I’ve already been asked if I drink thanks to all the good wine gifts. I got the brush off once chance of are you fucking serious oh hell no trick…but again negative never really go away they are filed for later and watched.just like a thank you to my big boss lead to a don’t clock in 15 minutes early via my direct supervisor….I take it I wasn’t funny and it was unappreciated. and far too many see so so much less of me they cheer my arrival but in that way you smell bad news overheard suspiciously not shared with me…humph. this again can illustrate the very real issues with taking over long time periods high powered hormones which all must balance and are subtle fucks they are… rage is one with thyroid against in justice, depression is another and the third is the dead certainty of suspicions..on everything… I once knew this because ritalin can cause the same feeling but different mechanisms of lessened coping skills…however it’s straight up mania… one bad run never another damned pill of that shit. but you can’t exactly say i make perfect sense to you under the best of circumstances. you know you sense my tone…which is to sway I’ve a mild gift of the written voice. but ask yourself ass you explore the idea I smoke -a type of amphetamine grossly linked to hypertension and other troubling life ending diseases…and stinky and expensive atop this why I’d rather die a smoker than touch a ritalin which is even with breaks far more safe and effective…yes even instant crying collapses maniacs and all than crippling shortness of breath kidney crushing heart piercing slow miserably decaying death? why? you think I’m smart. well, I control the smokes use..haahahahahaha…. I can’t ritalin. I hope that’s a simple enough way to say it. you and I might occasionally admit that the only thing I control sorta is a behavior loop of ingestion. I probably think no measurably clearer the reason to have the aide of an amphetamine of any kind unless weight loss is your goal. now 😀 controlling whether to see a set back in others opinions at work suppressing suspicions someone knows something damn it and walking home to damn it again I fucking gave 2 years of reliably proven performance to be treated blankity worse f in now than I did when i was a shite know nothing klutz… whatever! 😉 or shall I say issues with depression and the obvious injustice are a simple family has issues with their own issues even if they will effect me and just when it seems timed perfectly to fail everything I worked for damn you asshole god…little g please.. you know the words the peer were held in be it our thoughts or if luckier in the religious ferver of the word of god…. don’t dismiss me out of hand just yet 😀 this is just the decision and trigger process. the real life thought stream I have. I know I’m not in perfect health but I am ten years nearly eleven into diabetes diagnosis. i avoid heart attack with luck and some well timed 5k ear h way walks nonstop. I don’t have drink every day. how could i afford it with half hours and a free fridge door policy never ever look poor was the I believe the advice at work from one. it is zen and also works for me. but it isn’t free. I’m surely happy and scatterbrained. but more often than not I’m not crazy. we all know how very serious unto divorce from society mental illness portends.
but, it’s still fun to say we’re crazy.