effectively end of

tis an end of month.
na really 3 years have passed
and so have the dreams

I won’t likely make my electrical projects completions as I favored beer versus electrical work. I did however make the isolation of the circuit breaker I need to shut off to do my project safely which means there still is a chance as the stove is moved to bang it up last minute. I could even trot to Kmart/sears and install the microwave before night’s end in a work week! I doubt it, I leave the place starved of brain power and incentive.

I’ve also isolated the main state teacher’s union which means i have potential access to college grads for temporary hire if I’m not too big an ass. this means I can work a deal to get pro’s to run my shop on notice and with credentials. I mean damn well to have real money change hands and me to benefit with real time off – within clearance. I did my two years on call 24/7/365 missing my family moments when family is cherished at this place…watching mother’s with children in hospital screamed at and forced to stay while the boss takes the next week off. uh yeah YOUR family is important, fuck us. as for the ramifications better to ram than be rammed. I’m nearing my time done/served.

here’s a beer to ya, as there’s no hope of electrical work as I promised mom on her birthday I miss I wouldn’t play with my life livelihood all beers up. 3 for 3 bucks and courtesy of a fine gent of an Enlglishman I do not have to walk 13 miles to work tomorrow….for my sin of being too nice to one who might have forgotten nice can happen…

or, if can’t tell, I know I’m being sodomized and abused officially. I’m grumpy.


mist moment

missed moments mist moment whatever – lets misspell and or conjure meaning maybe.

there is a beauty to getting a jury summons and hearing the reason why – notorious person on trial beginning suspiciously the same day as your summons.
I do not watch the news much but there is a fair to middling chance I came within 136 people to be sorted for 12 to serve on the guy who shot up a movie theater. all I know is that I wanted out so damned bad because I worked damned hard to get my job not lose it by not being available. I succeeded in being in the 50 picked but dismissed. my whole time was roughly 8am til 10 am which doesn’t seem right with the I was rushing to get out of the house at 5:30 am and didn’t get home til 11:30am and befell the new luck, how aggravating there isn’t a damned doughnut nor coffee gratis! nor a cent in my pocket in a wonderland surely of right priced opportunities…I let my supervisor who scheduled me to work making this a nightmare consideration know I wash picked but oiled away. I will put my 6 hour tour in for jury day pay next viz to work I’m sure they’ll be thrilled. did I mention it rained and was cold….misty morning magic.

sure you can not care.

but imagine that scene in a book where it starts off grey and bleak and seems to rise to its potential. Imagine you sensed power come and go within that each action thought or word only to return again spent busted. Imagine how to be proud I can still fight for whatever reason I hope isn’t the same old attitudes and yet sense I may have not won.

even I who got a refund felt the government swallow my last cent anyways.

in different news the joy of baseball still alive is the knuckle-ballers wakefield and hare or whoever- it is always neat to see glimpses of them not as gods but as ordinary yet gifted still people.

denali and everest were respectively next. to show it for the real death possible and lingering effects of even trying. however the haha is to a limited extent that’s how I feel leaving work…slow enough I could fail because this is what was asked shut up don’t think just do. it is every bit the opposite of what I offer and yet 2 something coming it’s how I survive.

wait suffer reversals and yet JUST DO. and try not to know the laughter of what I am rewarded with for the efforts.

I guess that’s the near end of my month poetry. to fail with pride. oh hush, I’m no artist nor educated to any distinctions, nor am I useful traditionally past simply well dressed and present. I am not rich yet work when I could manage not doing so, and I fight to see my chance a carrot dangling… yet still I dance struggle and reach for the best in comedy- to fail with pride i.e. try try again.



out isa list

I made it to the store
I got groceries aplenty til month open
I still have a modest amount for gap filling
I have my schedule posts or hashed out
I did manage to save cash enough to get to all dates known I must travel

I didn’t get memorial day weekend off
I actually do not have a weekend for this month either off
I lose a tad bit ground after a splash dnight putting over the plan to a minor reversal

my bed’s laundered/made
room’s pieced up and hovered or was that eureka momented?
dinner was butter cooked chicken roast corn and other compelling plate grafittie-ers
I got a ride home just about half way on the 3.1 ish mile hike from target home
I laugh a little bit remembering the song – west end girls… as in my town, the east end isn’t the same meaning as in a london sense 😉 and lol this is 22 gals offering to escort me home now.

good things occurred.
I think I saw the color of the tooth that work is. like about time to put periods between then letters and annogram! 😀


Acronymn game

treasured moments there
Girft Of Times given, taken
just look what I G.O.T.

I lement not I had a lower moment
I cement to my heart mem’ies potent
why on earth would be less than free?
my oh my my many moments self-pity
sigh, such is my times so spent.

brookWHO,candied chocies
gourmet velveted raisens
I’ll post you a pic

$4.99 plus tax Kmarts so gone, soooo fast!

I feel freer now
say it was a weight lifted
Pity I can’t share

I spent as I point out 4.5 hours for a 20 minute meeting today that wasn’t paid-time. i got the meeting, I overheard quite the truths. Please understand I mean some corporate b.s. when I say I can not share in that i’d not want my days tonight’s gossip…but wow. it was nice to see that while little if any struggle against fate changes, I am doing very well indeed. I still have to suss and have approved my magic victory weekend of holiday off as hopefully a victory against 2 years always all holidays and weekends…and also my schedule fleshed out to be approved. I do see some hope. it can crumble and I don’t tonight care. I feel free because it wasn’t ME! damn it. but the atlas on everyone’s shoulders.

I celebrated away in joyous tithing my fortunes on 7 years before’s decision obviously delay well made and chose as I had choice – my roommates then didn’t and spent 7 years mostly homeless as that situation dissolved and I chose to help it…I was blessed it wasn’t such a punishment for me but I’m aware unlike before that what I say and do counts. add to this I’m not the only one with frustrations and let’s be far, I’m nnnnnoooooottt always nice nor helpful, but largely I hope I am overwhelmingly far more powerful than I often feel.

I bought about my least favorite wine as it stands a chance at lasting as to be so generous leaves me paired squarer with god, luck and the universe…etc. but it still is and was a bill both spend and unexpected to have my night out.


tales from the night’s side.

I’ve been told I have a way of being mostly nice but occasionally outright mean. I don’t doubt I have my streaks and this is an ebb and flow. I know lately I had enough land on me I can say I’m dramatic but also prone to be hateful – sorry. now, as with anyone courting negative vibes, it shouldn’t have been a surmise I ran into a workplace full of out of norm neg vibes today and nothing I went in after went well. I should also mention it wasn’t a surprise the horror of being recognized about town occurred – ex roommate from 7 years ago…7 years homeless ( please not I left that situation as it was galloping up diarrhea drive..but i indeed left…it took me over a year t recover financially to move again….that kind of lost a months rent just paid fight in the night – time to move kind of too too.

the pizza place was: eggplant and mozzarella pizza on GF crust. it was divine as was the pitcher of beer. oh sure the even was a bit spend. but all a choice. I brought smiles as a way thanks for my good luck univer and also a cold lesson in how I worked to be different…not better…different. I didn’t fall for the drink up as there is no more as I’m fortunate there usually is. I didn’t fall for eat while you can as I’m diabetic and know better there. I didn’t fall for the call to “high times” which turned out to be a rook craps games only there to take all available bets and thus every last cent I looked to have. but, please note it still is spend hanging out with the down and out if you are not.

my favorite was a bunch seeing a smoker come up with the line does ANYONE have a smoke usually someone says no I don’t to the snappish that’s why i said does anyone…. oh boy gimme mine and free or fuck off ATTiTuDE!!

also note good bad or indifferent I made sure to arrive with my basic needs covered with room to suffer my fabulous evening’s generosity..

so, there’s me what happens and whom I run into if I have a frustration of a week or so…. another bill of course 😉 but one well paid and worth it as…no night out is truly ever free.


repeat, ad nausium

I’m thinking schedule. work schedule – Ieeee! run away he mentioned drama work. nah, it’s far more boring than that.

2-3 in denver town this means Cinco De Mayo fair with overpriced everything drinking beer staring at the gov’s office.
10 Mother’s day – a fine attended day for visitors.
23-24-25, memorial day weekend= I request this off, but outside of paying double for said if not more, I have this sinking feeling I should expect chicanery in not getting it after all.

as i tend to work weekends. this means: 2.3; 9,10; 16,17 { } 30.31 I will be repaying days boss had to come in as it’s policy one doesn’t take off every holiday so days I work 20 minutes present I have…. 2 there courtesy of jaanuary showings and these cover april 30 and may 1 and she officially requests the tenth of may off even though I’d be working it anyways so that’s another day to float and she’s allowed 2 days off after 5 so if i get my memorial day weekend off, I have 3 days to cover more so, 6 days for three…this is what I mean by fighting for a fair shake and last minute non illness cover me or your fireds most often late evening for morning cover but never a days notice – I have no life, that’s why I’m hired and retained I’ve heard the words directly quotable. oh and I should improve how I am respected too. now, skip the ire, I haven’t any, I have this gig til and through most of if not all of october as i wish to work through september so as to prove an october check and have to file 30 days at least notice to quit and still have a chance at paperwork reliable or not to throw this job reputation and such away. so even if it seems odious at times, so be it. it beats nothing an hour and no, I do not work I mooch off your hard earned tax dollars….not enticing to say so 😀

now my usual day is:
some form of exercise
some form of fine motor skills assessment
some form of memory/cognition
always watching for participation/socilization

4 activities garunteed as it is a requirement of law/regulation
and avoiding too many non-partcipatory sedentary things…. i.e. television, music without singing along etc.

bean bag shuffleboard = using a long table to toss bean bags as close to the edge without falling off scoring leaners double and last breadth of a bag double otherwise 3/4 length x 1 for points…due to some inability for all to get the bag down the whole table well, I must adjust scoring ranges fairly via an agreed upon handicap system so I may cheer all. I often play but I tend to have to toss off center and from halfway across the room.

balloon volley ball…bop the balloon. oddly enough it’s silly and fun and about the best attended physical exercise for the most residents. I tend to fill the balloons with just a bit of helium so they do not sink as fast…this allows those of slower reactions to still try and successfully send it around the room.

Senior Devotions: be it outright reading passages from the holy bible or pamphlet articles of a spiritual nature or a dang fine lesson on biblical travel via a maze across the sinai… this is where I may attend to noting spiritual things

storytime. I would love to read all the licensiou trash the romance novel offers but nope, I tend to read five minute mysteries, choose your own adventures and some short articles compiled in reminisce magazine books… the reasons are appropriateness for their level and also to attempt this to be participatory.

my memory games include the actual match pictures memory game which I despite…go fish which when played with three or more people is an exercise in memory because you hear others fail to ask the right person what they and you want… you’d think memory with pictures is easier but never has been and is boring as sin.

fine motor skills- I like play dough and once literally did have fun with a whole room participating making shapes become other shapes.. like an egg becomes an apple the apple becomes a turtle… or egg to pancake roll pacake like a cone shape bottom half as the bottom of a budding flower and now attempt to make a long stem… you have a fairly pretty rose if you try….or a lot of amusement trying. I also like jenga the wooden block puzzle as you can do it! and it kills time well.

I’ve tried the sensory vacation which is a line of smells and a story to go with them taking one places like an apple orchard over to the seashore…. nearly lost my job because one who never speaks told me to go away…turns out she hates smelly things… same thing with hand massage, not that I’m bad at it – but as I’m male not always is enough comfortable with me and that activity. plus huge long nightmare to keep this sanitary and not have little hands walk off with my materials.

sing alongs are mostly misses for me- however bible study seems to do well with them!

I am fortunate with nature vids as discovery life is a good one, the sentimental reflections/jouneys hit miss and this 80’s australia vid does well most of the time. I don’t have as good of luck with special internet finds as I don’t have a powerful enough sound system for the harder of hearing… thus playing old movies quickly dies…can’t hear. I know that is an easy answer of play silent film! hahahaha but no, it means find better sound.

other artsy things are tempura painting and coloring type things- which sometimes get up support sometimes fall flat. have to watch the resident’s children because often they bagsies the very things I wish to show boss as proof of progress…. and I don’t mean their parent’s either I mean other people’s.

I note my hours will fluctuate as in amount of and start time this month. so to actuallywrite out a schedule is silly. I hopefully have my prized vacation…maybe not and believe it or not, this is the lion’s share of my job, if you have ideas, they’ll be considered, but keep in mind I’m forbidden to do anything with group feeding and I must mention that 3-5 is my functional level


The knowledge of the ages

I only want the good stuff. so lets talk cheese…not quite how cheesy I am but macaroni and cheese. despite the superiorness of a cheese-sauced fry, most of never see and even more rarely order, macaroni cheese still is a choice and a popular one. simple, warm and hearty. but after trying to pull that potato substitute punch, pasta by far win out with the cheese sauce any supposed competition tween the grains who is cheese’s pal.

cheese itself is possibly a range of colors of creamy white to deeper hues which sometimes are a result of the rind being stained. however, there is still a parallel between color and value and while currently that’s on it’s head, the trend is toward white cheese being superior over ew disgusting commoner peasant yellow cheese…. um actually allowing production differences mainly in additives here, the lower quality cheese is the whites still. but never let science influence you as marketers everywhere are hoping you lets the woo you with words and pictures so they can tell you what you want.

pastas too aren’t all the same but whichever shape you prefer, it should have surface area enough to cling onto saucy cheese. is durham wheat the one? or perhaps multigrain tickles your fancy. some say nay to this dish altogether simply because it isn’t lean protein but fatty forever on the thighs who can stand to look at themselves after knowing that this horrible dish can do to your veldt figure??? or what diabetic can conscious a meal of higher fats salts and carbs all just begging to do a body in???? or gluten sensititves think which moron said this dish was the bees knees – it has gut ache all over it???

I mean really, I’m here to discuss macaroni cheese and which is the best. there is room for you to rightly conclude I am all knowing and salient only here to guide you towards righteousness within your meal choices. we will discuss varying degrees of home made/scratch to which box brings the mm.

I’ve this thing that certain things taste the way they do like slice processed cheese individually wrapped is a holy grail in kraft wins…and yet since they win the cost is high perhaps higher than other offerings sliced processed cheese… well i tried them and found I about ralphed at how one tasted good the other wretched and it quickly became only which cheeses good could I get? know contrary to popular practice when you leave an improperly sealed cheese in the fridge for that oily hard spot, which should be cut and tossed yucky, macaroni cheese and many potato chips of the flavoring kind and corn chips too purposefully make the hard spot and grind it to coat your whoever yummy. bastards! they tell us what is true and right and succeed in business doing the exact opposite.

some cheese is evil these days because it’s processed as in some kind of powdered rock is dusting your cheese and it’s purposefully melted so with the rock dust keeping from doing anything stupid like separate which is what nature allows for…and this stuff is thus the devil because??? it’s fattening and what poor people eat. like cheese of any variety is truly naturally nonfattening?? but no joke the rock dust is often something sodium which means we elevate our sodium intake and thus risk health issues not the least of which is salt makes most nearly every human retain water and thus look puffy. and weight obviously more. but how you choose your sodium is your business and how you achieve some happy living within your means is your choice dollar stores everywhere love you loving the boxed non name brand cheese 😀

Is scratch made better. in a word? maybe. most often it’s a hell of a lot of work that some jerk can top with their tastes notions from a box of convenient ease. but, sometimes some folks can sell you on home made…you sure ain’t in the mood to pay for mac cheese ala kraft at the favorite sit down nice priced supper for something you can make for 85 cents at home! one would expect scratch and greatness! bit agaom. it’s just not a garuntee we’ll get up the best in cuisines from wholly home made goodness.

case in point. kerigold offering a range of white cheddars most with a n irish theme…with the best elbow shaped macaroni a bit of milk butter and flour and seasonings combine into a homemade gem baked just crusty golden and still chewy cheesy yum. it costs 5 times the amount of making a box

I’ve gotten dollar store no one’s heard of and willingly remembers mac cheese to the pinnacle of premium mac cheese kraft only to go into ultra luxury cheese of the pasta at the organic sustainable hippy marts if you want the truth let’s break this down

no one beats kraft for straight from the box never made varying the box style.
however velvet I believe a kraft company brand still has the edge with my tastes with their shells and cheese as I like the different shape and the actually made cheese sauce.

I just got done making sprouts white cheddar and shells mac cheese with organic cream cheese. I recently made the same with the yellow mac cheese of some name I’ve never heard of before best enjoy was some anniversary in the distant past. I’m not excited about cream cheese with macaroni cheese with the white cheeses as they offer not enough oomph in taste over the cream cheese and plus my spend box treat exploded cheese powder everywhere when I opened it ;if you must chreese of the cream cheese, please be cowardly lion all yellow about it?

or, in short, I remain unconvinced I can always do better out of a box but I’m also just as convinced that it’s a lot of wasted work to think you can snub the convenience of a box so I will occasionally still make a home cooked macaroni cheese…when i want to impress. when I’m pinched for enthusiasm and or time box me up.

I’m also more of a yellow cheese fan. which doesn’t mean anymore I like the best stuff but I’m really cheap and unhip. 😀 I can live with this. I get some of the best treasures in dinner 😛


definitions as misinformation

I’ve been told all my school life I’m adhd. add to this,pun intended, angry and or obstructive and or difficult.

read my writing without benefit in most cases of medical expertise. see if you do not see how I slowly show signs after 20 years of giving up long enough to get a little ahead.

of course you know I can not see well….maybe that’s more to blame at 300 a visit optometrist and 11-18 a pair of prescription eyewear to eliminate the eye issue first as more important to resolve to still lose a column in a quick scan thus in important documents of dates and information give the occasional error. surely not seeing makes finer sense than bogey brain it is of whatever pain in the elfin’ ass is called these days.

note how hardly a thought hasn’t 30 tangents and might not ring true to the opening theme by it’s conclusions. scatterbrained begins here. but it COULD be more classically symptomatic of to many thoughts crashing together. beer’ll take care of some of that I won’t have a clue what even I’m on about after enough of them.

outside of one overdose on ritalin well near 30 years ago, won’t elfin touch it, ever. again. I generally am calmer to a point of taking a nap waiting in stressful long lines. or dexedrine might work a tad too cleanly and well but ritalin is still dog droppings. it only works in the wrong ways and surprise mania whee. splat. cigarettes are mildly affective as a behavior to keep in practice with calm behavior with the magic puff… the gren puff only leeds to hating people and sad drops thought of off cliffs. given other indicators of health even with a cessation of smoking you’ll not see a wise doctor get the brain stuff sorted out as it’s the very risk factors I can not take on. so, this is NOT a consideration of hypochondria, it just a fun for me waste of 15 moinutes.

work in general, i have to be able to hear multiple thought streams visual cues and recognize people in an instant as it sure don’t take long to stand up lose balance and fall or push a door open and roll out for FREEDOM I must be bored for x hours a day to the point of graceful good attitude because it’s seriously only a few seconds to hours of crisis. I’m only so needed and valuable to my contribution to a team so please avoid thinking this is self importance. so being alert and on MY tasks oddly can not be listed as a heavy factor in adhd then versus now. but how much beer did that really take. currently about 1/2 of what I make toss in a buss pass and perpetual clothes horsing as I’m only as effective as my fancy new shirt and ability to show up on time on saturdays sundays and holidays…and pretend I contribute…

to add to the above, I pt more and more action consequence together than I used to. I list like a man possessed as if it doesn’t go in that order it likely won’t ever see fulfillment…this leads to utter panic depression and poor attitude. it takes me 20 minutes to measure a thing that in actions with motion study require 2 minutes at best….thats the size of the list and the months of agony to walk a step forward.

now, it is very possible for you to see with this the possibility of me seeing one subject through. oh I can. it is possible I make sense…if I slow down! so that one thing I haven’t time to say you know the key you miss in the narrative 😉 get spake.

a whole lot of words to say it’s 3 am and I’m really about as unpoetic as possible and bored out of my mind. night night.


a handful of links/products/thoughts
I liked those damned impossible to spot whe I’looking for them cherry andes mints. damn it, now I want to try the toffee crunch while i dream up the overpriced gourmet delight in restaurant dreams of what might require the lil lump of ending insult…the andes mint.

someone left their hulu account open so I’m nearly done watching ” the man who broke the secret nazi code. I am that scatterbrained! just not as brilliant or into physical sports 😀

the wine of the evening turned I apparently got a good one as there is less than 2 liters of 4 now I didn’t get but 3 glasses and I’m rounding up and paid for it 😉 😀 😀 😀 Carlo Rossi’s Blush

I want to try them as i do not think I have. I like the idea it’s supposed to be chewy and the name did say licorice. 😀—A-to-Z
I probably should read this as so so so many people are making it abroad by the bucket loads… 2 years to a million? DAMN! I’m sure I lack the skills paying this obscenity of cash like pipeline or infrastructure deemed valuable and worker capable short listed.. but, it’s nice to breath ignorance and hope all in the same breath.


another wander without paragraphs largely into how I thin

No, i haven’t lost it quite again…if i ever had it anyways….I’m just past a harder moment with a clearer sense of it receding into the past.

in health news I can’t say I’ve taken mmy sugar levels but I haven’t had many out of food naps just one in maybe a wend or more. talso haven’t every day taken the not always so effective cocktail of pills again. I know this is counter to common prescription and to most sense at all. but if I take a lot of say thyroid and I still walk down a street to a sharp noise instantly followed by screaming bloody murder little person and red hate reminds me of my youth and a lifetime of injusticeses instead of the love I was shown…never mind people’s methodology a moment and just see that i was looked after best my folks knew how to…they most certainly offended me who at times can choose never a second to forget… I’d rather not that intensity and have changed my supply of b vitamins via more booze or beers over the years to in effect drink it away….or block.. why it serves me well as I cope better and maintain employment minus a few inexplicable oopses if I get too happy and skip the subway replenishment of the mind….bread is a great source of b vitamins you can intake while beer from the same is NOT as it depletes. you would think I’d stop this blasphemy against the right holy jimmy johns when in truth shit is what subways serves consistently now I only remember a dream of good subway bread as it doesn’t exist… the only thing is the y still serve a hot meatball sandwich with extra olives and sometimes onions h and jalepenos pepper only you know why. next the cocktail kidneys tends not to work so well with either salt intake or vernal over use of internal insulin I still produce versus the fakes….this means my magical three days without this or that pill kidney potion means I piss like a veritable racehorse by comparison now to wondering if i’m done for plumbing stopped up which is what 17 oz or less in a 12-14 period means versus half a gallon which is impaired significantly still but workable..however I feel the flush so hypertension won’t let that remain nor will naps be avoided for long as my balances stay maybe 8 days at most and come only after 3 weeks hoped after efforts to reestablish them. but here’s something telling. I know when it’s swinging towards bad when I can’t walk without twinge anywhere I’m out of breath even though it’s been less than 3 days since a big big exercise achievement but it’s “mall gone” all of a sudden… that’s of course a be careful to up the efforts as in it’d do no good to start running only into ticker trouble! but work it before you can’t! is the order of the day. just like after these hypertensive days leave when acids leave me thanks to the other part of kidney systemic flush allopurinol for gout which I never showed one classic sign…but that is a small feeling that is more and more obvious. I’m not 20 anymore. oh I don’t either fell hopeless here as many millions classically say time sneaks up but to know how isn’t a comfort. as to eating a damned pizza slice and having to spend 20 minutes with a entail pick to clean dental bits out? that’s damned annoying but as I’m after diabetes but not the hit it with potions always trick I know I have to hit the damned dental hygiene or i have breath ala bad but it’s classic odor foul also is deadly similar to being dead hungover…you already heard I like my drink but smelling like I like it on the job is bad bad bad bad mojo. never mind I actually don’t drink on the job nor 4 at least was my worst moment of mmm. one! beer. but I’ve already been asked if I drink thanks to all the good wine gifts. I got the brush off once chance of are you fucking serious oh hell no trick…but again negative never really go away they are filed for later and watched.just like a thank you to my big boss lead to a don’t clock in 15 minutes early via my direct supervisor….I take it I wasn’t funny and it was unappreciated. and far too many see so so much less of me they cheer my arrival but in that way you smell bad news overheard suspiciously not shared with me…humph. this again can illustrate the very real issues with taking over long time periods high powered hormones which all must balance and are subtle fucks they are… rage is one with thyroid against in justice, depression is another and the third is the dead certainty of suspicions..on everything… I once knew this because ritalin can cause the same feeling but different mechanisms of lessened coping skills…however it’s straight up mania… one bad run never another damned pill of that shit. but you can’t exactly say i make perfect sense to you under the best of circumstances. you know you sense my tone…which is to sway I’ve a mild gift of the written voice. but ask yourself ass you explore the idea I smoke -a type of amphetamine grossly linked to hypertension and other troubling life ending diseases…and stinky and expensive atop this why I’d rather die a smoker than touch a ritalin which is even with breaks far more safe and effective…yes even instant crying collapses maniacs and all than crippling shortness of breath kidney crushing heart piercing slow miserably decaying death? why? you think I’m smart. well, I control the smokes use..haahahahahaha…. I can’t ritalin. I hope that’s a simple enough way to say it. you and I might occasionally admit that the only thing I control sorta is a behavior loop of ingestion. I probably think no measurably clearer the reason to have the aide of an amphetamine of any kind unless weight loss is your goal. now 😀 controlling whether to see a set back in others opinions at work suppressing suspicions someone knows something damn it and walking home to damn it again I fucking gave 2 years of reliably proven performance to be treated blankity worse f in now than I did when i was a shite know nothing klutz… whatever! 😉 or shall I say issues with depression and the obvious injustice are a simple family has issues with their own issues even if they will effect me and just when it seems timed perfectly to fail everything I worked for damn you asshole god…little g please.. you know the words the peer were held in be it our thoughts or if luckier in the religious ferver of the word of god…. don’t dismiss me out of hand just yet 😀 this is just the decision and trigger process. the real life thought stream I have. I know I’m not in perfect health but I am ten years nearly eleven into diabetes diagnosis. i avoid heart attack with luck and some well timed 5k ear h way walks nonstop. I don’t have drink every day. how could i afford it with half hours and a free fridge door policy never ever look poor was the I believe the advice at work from one. it is zen and also works for me. but it isn’t free. I’m surely happy and scatterbrained. but more often than not I’m not crazy. we all know how very serious unto divorce from society mental illness portends.

but, it’s still fun to say we’re crazy.