Let’s face it, we live to get ours. often this means not money but something as intangible as deference.
I’m not uncaring. I do give a crap that you are happy. but I also have this anger that I’m sure isn’t uncommon that says I hope you get yours…either way…positive or negatively as is YOUR choice.
I’ve also grown angrier in that not enough of my efforts resulted in positive results to make it seem entirely unfair to my cause so that I’m being picked upon by the universe… so i’m all the more interested in others getting more of what I got …. in fairness 😀
but the more things go according to another’s plan fucking me over, the more bitter I become. however, has anyone ever noticed that this is precisely the dark road to entitlement? I work something and expect a specific result…I deserve it? but there is also a paradox in play too, if I say I’m not garunteed or worse deserving of anything – 10 people agree instantly and I’ve called to being anti-entitlement while I could have just as easily..to a lesser 3 people agreeing chose to say I deserve it all…. not a should cares save that I make that choice. I have a fan club of my decisions either way :D.
I caught myself twice complaining yesterday only to achieve it…foul whining…one more time three. I compensated by bringing over a strawberry cake roll because it is a choice to call forth positivity or the other darknesses. people truly care…but it’s subtle how… they do indeed follow one’s “vibe”
so, not that it’s going according to hoyle or anything 😀 but, I’m fighting successfully to be a step closer to debt – free. I have the weekend where I’m seen to be covered with not looking like I feel I am. I have a date, not romantic, with my boss to improve our offering with any luck just when I’m the thinnest i can possibly be… yes, fighting to be ahead when it feels otherwise 😀 such is the nature of investment… you do it at the lowest ebb to make the largest gains in fortunes. it is still a risk though.
I’m ready because i saw something to invite one over to make a go of showing why I’m 40 not 20. I’m about to go into beer brewing. I know quite well this means a hateful washing down spring cleaning style my house in anti0 bacterial/mold/funguses of my preparations areas it means fuck tons of investment to try something not garunteed. but, if successful fully, I have a system whereby I can spend 6 a gallon beer versus 12. six into 600 is 100 gallons or 20 rounds of brewing JUST TO BREAK EVEN. experiences enough show me that this is really 60 because of replacements and inefficiencies BUT that’s still about ONE YEAR’s worth of brewed at savings. I can’t justify the expense so I’m not going the savings route but the hobbyist route. I’m curious to pony my experiences making wines and directing other’s efforts to be fulfilled in beer productions. I literally can go through a gallon a day around this house with ease. or it’s not beyond reason I could repay this investment with good drinkable beers off in 14 months. I’m a anti craft production person in that I want my her clear and smooth thus will strip the ever loving fuck out of the mud that is left in craft beers with clays filtrations. I know thus I can impress far more people with my efforts because of this. I can also do so at savings. I’m not without heart to the joy of beer, but I am not into “quality” so much as economy quantity of quality. I know this sounds big bullshit company beer talk where piss water is the result, but let’s face it, most people pay for piss water gladly over this supposed quality of craft…which Ipersonally think is gross. there is nothing like live yeast to make you sicker than a dog drinking a beer….. nothing. pasteurize your shit and filter it too!
I’m interested first in the closest I can come to a benediktiner style beer. if you’ve never had a benediktiner beer, it’s a southern german style roasted dark wheat beer. I’ts quite delightful. if i am right i will have beer in 50 – 60 days per batch and will thus be doing a dad’s day special on how fucking genius I am. I am not a genius in this respect – I mean I have my paper saying I am one…mommy saved it for me….but genius of execution is different than genius of promise. I look forward to making quite drinkable b- grade bullshit on a budget if I can. I know not to expect I will make my money back which is what hobby means but… if I do then I’m a genius on the 66 batch. how auspicious a number. I mean 40 bucks made/saved is significant. it’s a family meal not slogged out of your own hand…cheap sure but, still. I wish to have 3 cornilious kegs on tap with dark wheat, orgasmic coffee stout and some kind of biting bitter ale. I mean such has a way of getting mooches please and pickled..
respect is is I believe a fragmentary line by pant era which goes like ” re. spect are you talking to me?”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkFqg5wAuFk pant era – walk.
you’ll have to suffer the full persistence in time album by anthrax
but, hating you and being angry is what is called for today. with love 😉 of course and damn everyone. 😀