In my world

In my world of positivity. I have a bit of aquandry going. what I select as my gift out to one person annoys my budget. in fact all of my troublesome last gifts represent budget quandries. I know I can make the real offer and forgo my budget but also good sense because the budget says whatever but y internal sense says don’t waste it wont be appreciated even in cold hard cash. this tells me I have bs. best way to eliminate bs is to not fall for it. of course that comes at a cost if I’ve meanly called someone bs.

I want 3 drinks and a day off meaning tomorrow early is work yet again. ooo even for a whole week!

I’m complaining and I really have no business. I have so much joy I don’t know what to do with it. this means yes, I worry over my health. yes I worry over my shot at financial freedom to chase my fantasies for real only to find out it was a waste all along just like the best heartbreaks every single bitch turned out to be before. Yes! I worry I should be 3 months ahead plus a creamtion fee right now 2hich is of course 3 months away from the first of next month…if it all goes well. I wonder seriously in an unpleasant way if… enjoy myself…it’s later than I think and if I do the right thing it’s only for someone else.

“if I repent of anything this life it’d be my good behaviour.” –h.d. thoreaux; walden/life in the woods.

my last gift offerings are for sis/boytoy, internet fantasy and one last bit for to mail off my favorite’s as in my actual gift returner’s offering he/she’s so nice. the last people worth consideration are also easily ignorable as time runs out on us all. my last people don’t want shit which means they’re worth shopping for and a bit of effort. I hate people who dont want shit as they’re far more expensive 😀 I don’t hate you really! just bitching. 😀

well off to bed. I have a beer handy. I can’t concieve any progress will be made this evening musing or bitching about you.



OUT AND ABOUT FOR THE MONTHLY BILL CYCLE PART ONE. BORING I KNOW. I DID NOT HIT THE SAVORY SPICE SHOP. I just realized I’m internet shouting… Inside voice… I hit up penzy’s they had trinidad and old world blends and a smokey seasonall salt? okay, I’ll bite. I hit the danny cash hot sauce shop and their scorpior sauce took 23 minutes for it to stop hurting…one drop….not their hottest. oi. I hit then the xfinity / comcast to get NO DEAL NOTHING REFUNDED ug, and they wonder why people switch…. but, before you complain this dude walked up you didn’t give me my nine dollars change… short drawer no deal for me. I got a new router/modem so MAYVE I’ll get some damn internet…I actually pay for it.. I next collected the barber and was off to double bubble my phone bill exciting I know. but I saved 20 whole dollars a month from here on out. I also got a dvr . the ability to record tv easy….better this than channels I cant get. there is hd capability with the proper box. The water bill sneaks in but they wouldn’t let me double pay it too much hassle to type numbers. then the guess on the power bill. I am about to check how good I guess 🙂 next up is my personal bills but woo hoo. easy enough. I got lost getting off at the wrong stop I’d never gone to before but, if I hadn’t I’d have wet myself….I obviously didn’t stay lost. maybe the new duds of electronics will behave some 😀



say it frenchy and it’s weird… say it honky awful and it begs the same word but is said weird. 😀   w.ith o.out i.nternet’s r.eally d.isgusting.   I did indeed do up my door and I’m still at my mom’s so you still wont get pics til i get home.  my winner is me but if i cant take my vote then the cup snowman was thee coolest not me offering the second was snoopy over blue shiny foily paper and festive simple but i think it was a fam member so not us, frosty in paper butcher.  I am pleased I fought like hell 8 and something into getting the damn door together and stilll had to have help!  all my originating ideas failed somehow because i shopped at walmart and that place is ultimately not my success…..It’s not that they do not have good things either I’m sure they do but I largely am incapable of utilizing successfully a walmart- it costs me money time and always leads me down the road to phenomenal disasters.  it’s like walmart steak… what the hell is wrong with steak to a carnivore?  nothing.  and if walmart offers a good one someone ate a fine dinner and would be surprised it’s gonna be not just love rachel lampa a walk to remember ost. but it’s gonna be walmart…. I buy a walmart steak and the kitchen/grilling gods say I must suffer my demons of failure then and there and fail to make magic of humility.  I’m not incapable of humility – I’ve mades sushi rice out of lemon juice instead of sweetened vinegar and the rice of precooked minute rice as I wanted badly my friend to try something he thought impossible to his tastes enjoment….such are humbler walmarty ingredients and a real even….of course I lost my phone as is par for my dealings with him which finally incensed me which is odd as I don’t really answer my phone ever and only look at it twice a week it seems for many years now…the asside for this is about oh six I stopped wanting one ever again as it occured to me i’d never again get the girl and why was it I was blowing sixty a month desperately to have a phone only to call her to hear her actively block me whilst having her options open…this lead to a love triangle phophecy in the astrological divinations and that actually came vividly true excepting I was only informing my pal her then beau she dumped him for a love triangle and it lasted two months til she was dumped by them both which amused him as he was against being cheated upon and she got “hers”…but again walmart bothers me as I can’t blasted win shopping there.  I cant stand still! to answer my phone because I’m not winning by doing so.  I cant believe I returned to a bit of the old me reading as in killing 2 books in 3 days.  I cant believe I always have some damn ghoul causing me to be reminded others need to win to… I’m not actually sure that any soul would in droves understand what I weave into anything i do.  I cant believe I actually read something…it’s like returning to a favorite vice.

it’s weird.

lost her for new stories?

I’m forever and always getting weird meanings and reversals all over my astrological divinations.  I suppose my early insight would be to worry I’m nnot rich enough to carry the dame in the above question and thus right now like I’d thought I’m second bananana and must ride out the hell of waiting to be favored again…to wait for her to want to share again.  I’m not satisfied with that answer.  I get the feeling its more like the opposite or not my fault but that feeling reversed….yet I do not know why as I’ve very little evidence to support this insanity.  and no, I don’t feel mega special egoic obnoxio-tardic about it.  it’s a sadness to feel others not feel in a way they can have joys.  but as I say I lack any evidence at all really to back that up.

I’m working  6,7,12,13,14,15,16,19*,20,21,22*,24*,25*,26,27,28 or 13 x 6 78hrs thereabouts this month not bad for getting thanksgiving off.   it pays not to complain 😉


no escape.

as is usual it isn’t quite the gifts or ;the food but the sentiment that have a way of being the smile.  Igot some nice gifts.

sis sent me a rice cooker, some unknown lady elsewhere sent me the perfume inserts of magazines that stunk so much I smelled them before i could see the box even- but what a box it was with recipes and music  I wonder if one of them is turtle bean soup.  but even more enigmatic is the ball- it’s a ceach ball.  I’m like  is the lady sayin “life’s a beach?”  in her unusual way of one meaning for you and one meaning for me secret?  😀  work likely will offer me a lotto ticket and communal cake 😀  speaking of work, 😀  I will sneak over there to do up my door….yes my phone can be able to snap a picture and get it to another device I willlll snap a picxture of that door.

and of course you’d be surprised thaqt even automatic bday well wishing from the world of facebook is also nice.  there is no escape from sentiment is there  ;but 😀 I did indeed clap like they started out at the restaurant only to say mwahahahaha! it’s my birthday and you didn’t get me!



II have a snafu with the numbers racket that is my house of machines online.  one insists on using the same numbers as another and thus I’m not able to get on til this is fixed.  of course I’m borrowing another machine.  why shouldn’t you enjoy the obvious hypocritical sounding statements 😉

I’m thus 2 days into reading.  I’m a day into and halfway through “the master butchers singing club” louise eldrich.  its nice to know why it sells with all it’s real salacious truths of the wider world we often see not at all if we can avoid it.

I’m due out this evening for a rarer non-pizza outting which is my typical pick for birthday outting.  I’m offered a texas roadhouse evening of lighter frivolityh and a fine slab of something not vegetarian.  oddly enough the skewer they used to have of chunks of b eef with burnt well green pepper sounmds vcery appealing to me…otherwise I tend to loike shell steaks or the strip side of t-bone- the non circle side of a porterhouse.    other things I like are these phillips malox fruit chews because it’s not perfect but only half my days here lead to swift waddling.  I don’t think I made my coffee very well but I do like the occassional cup.

sometime tomorrow is door do it up day.  I was jazzed to help some with ideas for one doing the other doors jewish.  lets see how well I don’t dream but exzecute.

so, if you see less of me, do not fear!  I have me books and some IT crap again to annoy me.  the drugs do work in that trotting kiind of way heheheheheh lets hope they work soon at the purpose intended.


:D and I thought…

things change and one of them was I’m not on ACE inhibitors but now Beta Blockers for hypertension as the ACE’s stopped working. of course this happens on turkey day’s long weekend. so, after work I got to spend a portion of my evening in hospital getting that sorted out….may i tell you the indignity of wiping off all those medi-boogers of that slime they use for their sensors? 😀 it felt almost sensual at the time and you know it :D. I had to say things that flag. so I have an MRI saying I’m not having either a heart attack nor a stroke, but I did have a constricted left arm… I did have a brief headache with the extra high for me pressures. you know your b.p. regiment is failing when 200mg lysinopril is slowly rising your 180/111 to 197/117…you’ve previous til then never had a moment of tingly nastiness otherwise known as diabetic foot neuropathy of the nerves or anywhere else yet you do now. it isn’t tingles, it’s pins and needles and quite unpleasant. it can also be permanant whether the pressure is corrected or not after a tme. I don’t feel my 500 it will likely be to e.r. is poorly spent I had a problem no one else could help before I killed myself trying with what i had I asked for help….it really is that simple. it’s a weird feeling again being small, high b.p. sure does make me charge like a bull large in life throu it all. go ask alice when she’s ten feet tall. -ejfferson airplane, forget song title.

or, I don’t have a good alibi but I do have a believable one 😀 two are dead And i was home after ahospital stint with the good drugs 😀