I started today with my shot at a confoundingly esoteric haiku editorial upon the meaning of asong put out before I was even born – Blue Oyster Cult’s Astronomy and it’s anwe of a scene. This week’s experiences in lines is inclusive of yet another saying of something I’ve so oft heard I’d like to vomit – if (cussing about that not gonna happen but sympathy for you as in me IF) I weresingle I’d adore you…with permutations of other conditionals like lesser age gap or yada other conditionals as well. IF I hear another fifties something female ever wish for me what I seem to say without words to others of my need of others…as they deny it. I did well enough to make it through my weekend of work minus posting my actual schedule request for next month…because mine take a lot of time to present as a brief concise ask…and get thrown away because I’m apparently hard to understand. I also have begun my attempt at redemption of trying to adjust my attitudes toward say that above work and life outlook in general. I figure, nevermind the fairness of wasting my money and time to present myself in fae time on my time so another can ask a quick question determining whether I get granted my requests or not….because I’m questioned as any employee should be but not communicated with in my opinion entirely fairly…. you see I work the opposite of the other’s schedule…both of us GAURD our off time like lion/lioness. yet my efforts are tossed if in perfect explanetory pictograms and limited words to save time I offer up a schedule request only to have all six hhours I don’t get paid for thrown away with the note if I’m not available at 6 am – 9 pm first ring of a phone as she’s too busy for this stuff and tired…don’t bother writing it…. I mean whine! how fourteen and seriously unfair 😀
I know I don’t need to point out I trainwreck constructing my thoughts in the written rules of the words. Iactually don’t if you get me. it is one almost hidden meaning. each sentence I use hints around that. then we move onwards. that is the construction. I got high marks in knowing this for my education. or at least I was lied to effectively.
I remember finer points of how I*I* blend and dispense spiritual notions. I started with Psalms 119 and then sequentially 1 chronicles 17:2-4. which touches me upon the exploration of how hard it is to control Impulse. this to me says that impulse isn’t wrong but following it can be. if you can catch MY esotera of associations 1 19 17 or 1, 1917 or one WAR to end all wars it is to rule our heart with our head choosing the rightious way over rank impulse following. I was my clocked hour babbling about that.
I get the feeling rudely this week that I’m about to have step yet further away from my nursed injury of a lifetime wish to be normal in my path…basic job, basic relationship basic explorations of my basic interests…. to be not so basic but different….MY FAVORITE!…not – as in subfke never married yet the prize ofthose half a generation above me without of course any hope ever of getting them to commit to me…why bother enjoy thenlike a mouse after the playtime is over with cat is left to die as how boring it is to find out I’m but a mouse to their catty depth of living…. I’m forever only fun for a while. hmf. this is to become a different functionary of life perhaps as the castigated psychics say I seem to have a clear calling and giftset of capacities to be a sheppard of faith…be this a snarlingly antisocial GERMAN SHEOOARD DOG to that of but my small society…yeah that means I’ll be lapping up the luxery…or more commonlyly seen priest. hey why not vow to celebacy when I never get any anyways save for those I can mmmm yummy count them lapses 😉 I’m meant to live a different way not of everyone’s every day. hmf.
I look over treasure of myself given. I made a few nice pipe-cleaner flowers and acknowledged a birthday I felt meaningfully but incorrectly to form given of what the real show is supposed to be. I made dinner I sense pregnantly secretly than wasn’t desired – hates sugary meats, made sugary meats as in maple chicken wings which is teriyaky type sauce of maple yrup soy sauce and garlic over baked then allowed to become a glaze over chicken wings along with a show of how to make the side squash au gratin. which became “we eat just before bed” reallll LATE. 😉 or politely wow what you can do but oh fucking GROSS what you do. perhaps you can sense all too well how I can not physically see body language swiftly thus can only ruminate upon getting the meaning late and dropped upoon me like a cartoon safe. I know I am close yet as that joke goes, Close only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades. I was less than 2 seconds off pace for go kart racing… a world behind competitiveness though, yet close 😉 I was by the balls in the ball games but usually hit by them instead of catching them….another example of close 😀 Iget the meaning but only too late in the split second life’s meaning allows things to be an interaction or just a retread story later. I can genuinely care in a world where show is all that need be acknowledged. F-bomb.
in other words I so damn often feel like a clown routine of fireman putting out a fire aftre it already out. I feel I miss the point when it counts whether sop swiftly I get it that instant too late. What hope of romance? – I really should thank that heartbreak that showed me the value of my dreams possible only to be embarassed to the point of vomit that I would ask that universal question of attraction of her… only to find the same thing only the opposite in someone who appears to genuinely care yet my angels in heaven mackinate to keep me from meeting her…as if I’d die to learn it’s true I AM cared about and sometimes deeply….but life is cruel and there is something I’ve got or don’t got ruining the recipe of together forever.
I know I’m even remotely good at what I do but I’m so esoterically confusing to annoy people who’ve no time for this shit, just as I did in school…my whole life…thatits angering to put up with me…seriously. I can not seem to get past this.
or what about me
ug who has that TIME?