not that this is alll that….but it is.

happy josh says go grill
grill up onion sausage AND?
chili chese bun YUM.

market pantry REGULAR italian sausaqge, Yellow onion in a pocket foil packet, and a bag paper soddened instantly… not really sodden! with water!!!! just wetted WELL, jalepeno cheese hogies. condiment choice here is ranch dressing ala hidden vallley and knock off mustard….yellow american…. fine eats peeps.

the bullshit of how to improve on what I got b.s. of what I WISH is, onion gravy thus stuffed is a fine sarny.

contrary to my usual bum timing, I bought the right wine and also picked the right people to associate each gift part 2 of 3 well. that happens so rarely that i wished I had had the the time to put a white elephant medalion upon each offering. woot! really. 😉

I think also that the drinks lead only to room ready to spin….damn. at least I’m an alcoholic temporily with good taste… bad joke perhaps but true enough. (I should not consume alcohol cigarettes nor live in general according to professional advice.)


it ends in haiku.

I started today with my shot at a confoundingly esoteric haiku editorial upon the meaning of asong put out before I was even born – Blue Oyster Cult’s Astronomy and it’s anwe of a scene. This week’s experiences in lines is inclusive of yet another saying of something I’ve so oft heard I’d like to vomit – if (cussing about that not gonna happen but sympathy for you as in me IF) I weresingle I’d adore you…with permutations of other conditionals like lesser age gap or yada other conditionals as well. IF I hear another fifties something female ever wish for me what I seem to say without words to others of my need of others…as they deny it. I did well enough to make it through my weekend of work minus posting my actual schedule request for next month…because mine take a lot of time to present as a brief concise ask…and get thrown away because I’m apparently hard to understand. I also have begun my attempt at redemption of trying to adjust my attitudes toward say that above work and life outlook in general. I figure, nevermind the fairness of wasting my money and time to present myself in fae time on my time so another can ask a quick question determining whether I get granted my requests or not….because I’m questioned as any employee should be but not communicated with in my opinion entirely fairly…. you see I work the opposite of the other’s schedule…both of us GAURD our off time like lion/lioness. yet my efforts are tossed if in perfect explanetory pictograms and limited words to save time I offer up a schedule request only to have all six hhours I don’t get paid for thrown away with the note if I’m not available at 6 am – 9 pm first ring of a phone as she’s too busy for this stuff and tired…don’t bother writing it…. I mean whine! how fourteen and seriously unfair 😀

I know I don’t need to point out I trainwreck constructing my thoughts in the written rules of the words. Iactually don’t if you get me. it is one almost hidden meaning. each sentence I use hints around that. then we move onwards. that is the construction. I got high marks in knowing this for my education. or at least I was lied to effectively.

I remember finer points of how I*I* blend and dispense spiritual notions. I started with Psalms 119 and then sequentially 1 chronicles 17:2-4. which touches me upon the exploration of how hard it is to control Impulse. this to me says that impulse isn’t wrong but following it can be. if you can catch MY esotera of associations 1 19 17 or 1, 1917 or one WAR to end all wars it is to rule our heart with our head choosing the rightious way over rank impulse following. I was my clocked hour babbling about that.

I get the feeling rudely this week that I’m about to have step yet further away from my nursed injury of a lifetime wish to be normal in my path…basic job, basic relationship basic explorations of my basic interests…. to be not so basic but different….MY FAVORITE!…not – as in subfke never married yet the prize ofthose half a generation above me without of course any hope ever of getting them to commit to me…why bother enjoy thenlike a mouse after the playtime is over with cat is left to die as how boring it is to find out I’m but a mouse to their catty depth of living…. I’m forever only fun for a while. hmf. this is to become a different functionary of life perhaps as the castigated psychics say I seem to have a clear calling and giftset of capacities to be a sheppard of faith…be this a snarlingly antisocial GERMAN SHEOOARD DOG to that of but my small society…yeah that means I’ll be lapping up the luxery…or more commonlyly seen priest. hey why not vow to celebacy when I never get any anyways save for those I can mmmm yummy count them lapses 😉 I’m meant to live a different way not of everyone’s every day. hmf.

I look over treasure of myself given. I made a few nice pipe-cleaner flowers and acknowledged a birthday I felt meaningfully but incorrectly to form given of what the real show is supposed to be. I made dinner I sense pregnantly secretly than wasn’t desired – hates sugary meats, made sugary meats as in maple chicken wings which is teriyaky type sauce of maple yrup soy sauce and garlic over baked then allowed to become a glaze over chicken wings along with a show of how to make the side squash au gratin. which became “we eat just before bed” reallll LATE. 😉 or politely wow what you can do but oh fucking GROSS what you do. perhaps you can sense all too well how I can not physically see body language swiftly thus can only ruminate upon getting the meaning late and dropped upoon me like a cartoon safe. I know I am close yet as that joke goes, Close only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades. I was less than 2 seconds off pace for go kart racing… a world behind competitiveness though, yet close 😉 I was by the balls in the ball games but usually hit by them instead of catching them….another example of close 😀 Iget the meaning but only too late in the split second life’s meaning allows things to be an interaction or just a retread story later. I can genuinely care in a world where show is all that need be acknowledged. F-bomb.

in other words I so damn often feel like a clown routine of fireman putting out a fire aftre it already out. I feel I miss the point when it counts whether sop swiftly I get it that instant too late. What hope of romance? – I really should thank that heartbreak that showed me the value of my dreams possible only to be embarassed to the point of vomit that I would ask that universal question of attraction of her… only to find the same thing only the opposite in someone who appears to genuinely care yet my angels in heaven mackinate to keep me from meeting her…as if I’d die to learn it’s true I AM cared about and sometimes deeply….but life is cruel and there is something I’ve got or don’t got ruining the recipe of together forever.

I know I’m even remotely good at what I do but I’m so esoterically confusing to annoy people who’ve no time for this shit, just as I did in school…my whole life…thatits angering to put up with me…seriously. I can not seem to get past this.

or what about me
joyous possibilities!
ug who has that TIME?


A Shy Cliche

For the sheer amusement of it, let’s play a game called NAME THAT Cliche 😀 By naming I mean explaining and cliche’s seem to mean what they do but we allllllll know people think they know alll the answers to what our songs of our times mean which – let’s be fair – means precisely what WE think they do…when we want them to. Today’s offering is the 1974 appearance of the dark light of the stars in THAT song by that group…. or, I’m yet again out to make what was esoteric even more so.

a haiku about the subject at hand. name that song, name that band and! name that cliche!

Think 70’s Band.

Let’s sing about fate,
Ocean-Coloured Hors D’ouvres Gang.
Tonight’s drunk B.S.

it’s (erotic love’s offer..not offered butstated as if a fact) in the stars!

OF coursE I’m full of crap as the band’s then producer wrote the lyrics and did a lot of interview-hogging after to PROTECT his baby of meaning. But golden rule of good salesmanship is that I, the consumer get to make thing’s mine 😀 and…. everyone can whine whine whine about how wrong I am and I teflon hand gesture oh no no no no wont allow you to interject your tepid proof of my wrongness to your rock righteousness. BAH! which heh if one knows Blue Oyster Cult’s BOC acronym hints BACH – your choice, JS or JC.

Now let’s us decode incorrectly what the song so doesn’t mean officially 😉

The clock strikes twelve and moondrops burst
what person of their 70’s come alive time newly adult doesn’t remember a disco ball light up a dance floor? what person of that time doesn’t know then as we similarly know now that time when all the players took their prey home already as that is near midnight and the place is now a tomb for those ready to become the look of tomorrow’s death warmed over by tonight’s alcohol’s fire?

Out at you from their hiding place.
as with above, crystal disco ball…which most often in mood lighting doesn’t burst like a sun of sparkling light but often seems to look invisible almost…at least in my opinion.

Like acid and oil on a madman’s face – his reason tends to fly away.
I’m first going to say this is mean but has everyone everyone ever seen the girl wants to dance NOW face? it is cartoonishly that of a madman…with acid …oh yeah howllllll..and oil? what like a madman with salad dressing on his face? bastard was trying to be smart and funny at the same time! shame on him.

Like lesser birds on the four winds… like silver scrapes in may
little bird birds flitting about trying after theirs as in getting some family up.

now the sand’s become a crust…most of you have gone away.
again as I say the big birds the real players have left. now it’s just the real bar patrons of the night.

a dead tomb of a bar.

Come Suse dear, lets take a walk out there on the beach. I know you’ll soon be married and you’ll want to know where winds come from.

I’m not so sure that this doesn’t hint at an older Everly brothers song Wake Up little Suzie….but hmn its obvious enough that it’s a dark enough typical offer of hey lets get it on…if you aren’t catching on that my enthusiasm is waning then you aren’t listening as in 😀 but it’s worth a note here that wow how deep man! a prior love affair’s thought can drive a person throughout all their life… how deeeeep 😉 oo man, diggin’ it…smell a bit of actual seriousness within DRIPPING SARCASM

well it’s never said at all on the map that carrie reads behind the clock back there YOU KNOW at the four winds bar.
good luck getting a picture of a place that is legend of it’s time or the author’s experience 40 years later. yes, good luck with that. but 😀 what’s BEHIND a clock? something we rarely see til we need to reset a clock or put a battery…again heh mr smarty is trying to sneak in some fancy lines!

Hey, hey, hey, hey
Four winds at the four winds bar
Two doors locked and windows barred
One door let to take you in
The other one just mirrors it
Hey, hey, hey, hey

(the lyrics were fund in this site… )

let’s chant together like we allllll Get it…either as in obtaining sex or understanding….
romantic winds at a romatic bar oh golly gee do i smell some cliched kind of fart. I come in and Icome out just like a door and then a miiror opposite fancy line oh hit him with a car. YEAH!

well, I used to love the song but I went and tried to analyze it for sounding so deep and cool….but now it’s a tired oh please girl eff me even at this lame barscene. please let me tell you it’s fate when it’s more like lame-oh! fete accomple ‘s hope. Thank you very kindly for reading how my thoughts not unlike a flushed toilet swirl. Imagine though poetically how it feels to be a band person or that of those working for a band to just stand apart from the scene watching… the same swirl of birds flocking to the watering fountain however mirage-esque fantasy perfect or no-name lame when even what little excitement went on home.

I know that face and that feeling.


not souping but do a bowl

people looked at me funny all day.    i starteed it off with a fine lobster tomato bisque as  today boo wasnt onion marsala day.  i got a huge order of mushrooms baked buttered and romanoed. went work i’ll see myself saturday…and oddly didn’t get hollered. i’ve subtle suspicion i’m be it.  i explained the otherwise bewildering email about more space quickly and simply.  i think i fogot my meds but i’m really not sure. went to the next metro down taco belled to come home for zins and sprite.  just another day really…save i dreamt oddly of coupons and ended the day putting out the point there IS injustice but prizing what we have acheived in our actions is a beacon for others  sorry raspberry pi computing so crappier keyboard


Wendy’s, Because it’s Dave’s Way. a link borrowed from the poets billow/wordpress and the ny times… poetry should be but HONEST. BAH.

Satire. parody. POWER. Hmn, it seems I disagree with the premise only honesty can make great poetry. I use the artiface to help a room create their poems. I use hopefully a bit of artistry versus plodding Ernest Hemmingway simplicity. Many times I feel jipped in the face of grandest possibility – so why cant I enjoy the fiction of my existance to share a common feeling I may not feel at the instant of artistic creation?

swimming in myself
the subversion energies
yet I am happy.

I mean that is exacting honesty. I don’t feel well right this moment as I’m not clearing waste swiftly after a sickness or no new sickness but the old ones. at the very same instant of knowing I’m “not doing well AT all” I am ironically HAAPPY. Why shouldn’t I be? I could be in the health soup and all those fears yet ironically I’m finally getting a shot at believing more within myself and my actions. Irony is just as obviously necessary as “honesty.”

yet again TRIUMH
ahhh how none could fail me
VICTORY! Success.

I can say this is obviously closer to what the author asked for, pure emotion, none of the truth just that smear of emotion. yet such denies her request for honesty. I’ve felt losey for for a week. just barely missing the onset of acidosis’ sore tongue to prove no balance of sugar processing food in. so might I note i feel bad but it’s not exactly the “worst” or nothing… but feeling I can walk up the hill or stay awake move outside of of a world of jello somehow should be placed in their. so should the irony of great feeling coming balanced against feeling technically lousy.

but you’ve two poems to read and see what rings true for YOU. Enjoy.



Punkysleak made up a fine quiche and I’m not kidding I had some grand soup the other day at yet another place where the signature dishes depress me….the copper pot…where the fish is crunchy glass and such whining and such not.  happy post continues with the to die for clichet of onion soup marsala.  the burger was adequate but so large I couldn’t finish it.  I’m dreaming again of soup and how…pn… soup-er… it’d be to get after some moe.

the following is the early links of reference.  it’s fair to sum up that most add something to the mix of what usually is: onion broth melted cheese over crouton.  one went so far to say it was like a million recipes outt there and yet  he solved only the consistancy problem by pureeing his soup which suspends the onions better than a big ol lump on the bottom.  I’m still looking for the horseradish connection. but as I said links.

I did click the bold on chef billy’s recipe… it’s not bad but summed up, puree then serve which make s this garunteed to be cream of mushroom soup looking not golden and chunky.

also you’ll see something neat about the word restaurant meaning restore – ative and thus you may blame french onion soup for said word.  thus cade is coffee and restaurant is onion.

this adds the idea cavaldos to the pot.  

I’m interested in my spannish come german again roast beef turned into shredded beef within that classic broth to maintain a taste point similar to a roasted beef.  which really is just altering a mexican flavor to that of a bit more northeastern european sensibility.  I know horseradish is that of the similar to mustard  hot stuff…and I do like me some gwertrameiner wine.  so invading the pot with germanness sure brightens my moods 😀

some evience of the connection horseradish and mustard pungency.


and now derailing the whole post, I must say I click unlocked my folding futon couch to perfectly lay flat as a bed now.  I’m also getting off here to catch up my banking bits and? go to pino pizzeria. 😀  or, drink beer in public 😀 gnaw on a pie.  if for some magic reason tomorrow is more of the same jackson pollack art?? then it’s time get after sugar


surviving one’s self

every morning since thursday I’ve either enjoyed the art of my floor jackson pollacked *please understand he did art with bits of colour and a common criticism of said is to say i vomitted fine art)   or I’ve felt…artistic.  now, I could say this is the hellabaloo of the local virus at work? or perhaps some FINE deli style fried chicken done wrong, perhaps one too many or maybe I need to sanitize my dishes better….and lastly a combination of all or maybe it’s just a sugar ghoul.  I do not know, most options say I’m somehow at fault… I don’t like that ring.

next is I completed my vacation  substitution for work. I did not have angry calls saying where am I today so 😀 maybe that’s a good thing. 😉  I achieved a book where without a handy reference of a different time to compare to, I see it just about as full as usual..  I see areas I’d like to explore for improvement but such seems a real slump in enthusiasm.   I did type up n idea for re allocating wing the building with minimal expense  to achieve an improvement in space.  I did do many more things chatting with people I’d not ordinarily talk such ways to. and yet the spectre of wondering what evil lurks to make all of this count for nothing and be a detrimeant seams to be haunting.

for instance, I remember nice night where both the gents did theovernight I did more than I usually did.  I caught hell for the place being a disaster.  it wasn’t  yet any night a   gal was my other person, I did less and got more praise.    I have a long list of feeling confident only to get hollered at.  that is but one example.  I honestly expect grief every time I’m pleased with myself and or some form of failure just when it”s my turn to shine.     this means for now I expect praise for my week unless I did something horrible to be pounced upon with glee.    I expect this praise to come after pointed complaints for contrustive? my ass destructive always criticism.

will I be able to sort out myself some more as in all fairness, this is the exact problem i have with faith of any religious nature….reward later…  I too know to achieve anything some method of gaining mine and some more of other’s respect/championship is needed.    I seem ready to take the next oppinion blow to all I know I did well and steps for betterment whether they need improvement or not…have been achieved.  I suppose that’s the week smile I’ve got going and that of a onion soup to drool over.  I guess now it’s time for a smoke. my pills and some dishes. attend to the floor to make sure no art remains 😀  I should point out just like always I showed up sick or well and cheerful like always which I suppose if I remember right is about my best quality going.


Dreams coming true

I own a Macintosh Computer again.  it is a new to me leopard era intel based machine and it said saianara to this weeks near double paycheck.  I its so I may do work things on something that might work well might nothing it does and will but I’d prefer not to lucg a lot of computer around.  it comes as I want MY machine which had to go abck to mom or she’d not be able to print….and I had some bad deli food and spent thursday morning throwing up everywhere and squishies too only to go to work as it was either that or no chance to shine any ever and I wasn’t like contagious just do not like the grocery deli which I had to walk by to smell the finally disposed of lame grease/oil that was a lame day of illness.  so yeah i had to buy the other machine not mine I zapped  oh well one should laugh at the chinese fortune cookie saying I’d take care of a financial stress as if by magic!  makes that identifyable sick noise and what financial burdern/ 😀  I don’t actually feel stressed I bought wine for theh helpful ones this week and expect all holy hell from boss about why I didn’t turn into her in her absence. 😀  I have wine – I chose the usual suspepcts 😉 surely it mixes better than the koolaid of I do such a fine job 😀  the lat sentence is tped out here 8 feet aaway so i could in theory pull up youtube and netflix stuff from out here in couch land.  


zero to hero so long as I or others don’t tattle on me

I was invited to dinner at work by one I find pretty  as I have to turn damn near everyone thing down I felt not onebit bad as I already did that 😀  I enjoyed my allowable coffee 🙂 and fine company.  I think this is from a previous good deed of making the music lady who someone else invited not i as I’m not allowed to but made sure it was kosher with at least a department head 😉  hopefully hat kind of sneaky wont sink me.  it isn’t like the lady makes a habit of staying   this meant I left the clock way early as it rained thus watering isn’t required of my end of day I didn’t give away the place and gave of myself carefully on my own time.  🙂 

yes sad as I am I actually have to turn down dates not technically but fraternizations at a specific time.  that just doesn’t happen all that often.  nor does the chaplain feel uncomfortable encouraging me to be there perhaps on  / in his absense for vacation which mayy occur- if you remember this was a mentioned thing about I’m not licensed to run a bible study.  hint if the liscensed guy says so and I remember the reasons I’m trust when I can be….it is nice to know or here I can try to be of a gathering of faith for others by pros.  I do try to do so respectfully.


in other words, this was quite a lite day for me for which i hopefully do not get ruine over and it was quite affirming.  how often does this happen?  yes, my date was pretty and fun yes all five of them.


I passed on cash attached thanks for one praised by another whatfor and by whom so her boss so saw.  I am not officially allowed to write a commendation . nevermind what the building admin says i’m not allowed to make a fool of myself not knowing what is and isn’t our jobs.  so, fine it’s unofficial and seen anyways as I’m never spending dollar on of that fako workplace goody money.  haven’t yet and am in no rush. as reemember I laughed as I got nine bucks must begin with ten and then months of the best paint chewings ever  so like ten bucks a year if I’m lucky? fuck that noise it’s monopoly money!  I will judiciously dole it out as I don’t get much of it 😀



in this here world

it’s succeed or starve and die

we all fail first.


oh yeah, open book

and mysteries sell better

honesty HOOZAH!