Rain cloud

i know I despair on occasion crosseyed in deer headlight fears


its possible a little more each day and thought to accept yesterday’s dang it need not be today’s forever forward ruination.


i don’t have to mention water vapor is about 1/7th that of liquid so it occupies more space clouds and the smallest fluffers thousand of feet away is about ton on ton of weight!  But I did and do. Water weighs what it does


U + 16C9

you plus sixteen see nine?  Is a Unicode symbol for the elk or aljiz rune in Norse divination.


it means safety


protected from the worst


in learned reflection I’m shown the awesomeness of the universe should I play – in reality I must accept I am not making it into everyone’s book of fabled heros.

I’m shown love is that heady motion of trust it’s us against all I’m the knight of old!  But yet the reality is that I’m not to pedestal a queen but listen to a human being and thus care.  Not white knight saving the day.


its of course rather frustrating to know one must find their way and be company perhaps for another on theirs — yet balance the adventure in love forward…. and as seems cussedly ever the reflecting obvious that it’s nothing perhaps at all wrong with my or anyone’s offer yet it’s a choice for alllllll those marbles.  Something as simple as walking yet making sure it’s with the other not a useless block ahead – or a widely nurtured and secure home built together in finances not magically a phone call away paid in full.


its fun wondering how to be a part of yet not unduly responsible for others lives excepting concepts like protected citizen ties like elders infirm or children cute as they’re last night new to the big world.

Its fun with some growth to fully feel the world alive- to not just sneak a bedpost notch but to actually be entrusted to care.  To plan that ahead ridingmout consequences 😉


its also fun to understand in patience that others arent born yesterday or incapable either thus champion not just my ideas!

Obviously now to more joy!

joy is needed too!


its a joy to think blueberry ketchup??? You heard!  Why? Because it’s important one know that ketchup wasn’t tomato based always!


its fun to know I may each little step of the way see joy in the world.  To feel the blood of strength course through in hope forward.  Not fear entirely anything yet to be well aware within fear it’s no guarantee


joy is a book

a movie shared



adventure in security not that calamity is not existing- but that it is dealable

Lentil again


Yes I did it! But now the again!

The lentils?

oi talk about simple gone toss in a kitchen sink! Recipe


1 lbs lentils (454g)

1 lbs carrots

1 super mega large yellow onion

a double tub of white mushrooms (1/2pound likely)

1 5oz jar tiger sauce (atamarind with chili pepper sauce)

1makes 48 oz orange juice concentrate can

1/8 c soy sauce

i had no room for the lentils so had to stock the liquid then toss the used bits to have room for the lentil! Eek!


corn tortillas

one can green chili enchilada sauce

2 8oz bags jalapeño jack &  cheddar cheese mix

1 24 oz tub sour cream

1 package Lipton onion/mushroom soup secrets(vegetarian as in no animal in this)

i chose not to roll the enchiladas as I’m lazy sue me-  but not from previous try and that I can’t see that it’s not helpful  in later presentation nor speed.


so I layered tortillas like lasagna and layered tortillas lentils cheese the boiled mushrooms tortillas lentils cheese tortillas green sauce and later more cheese.  This helped gently keep it all together 350f 1:10 minutes or 70 minutes


it took 12-5 to produce the lentils

lentils in at 1:30



Miscellaneous if not etc.

that year ‘fore my eyes

grabbing at straw illusions

acceptance realized

i just watched an animation on a torque converter a part critical to automatics I believe but yada, I had always thought they worked the opposite mechanical way of converting torque to speed rather than speed to torque.


I enjoyed an extra history on youtube of mary seacole- a Jamaican whom offered aid and comfort to soldiers in the Crimean war but unlike the mainstream prized folk, did so at her cost and resources and largely unsupported.  It should not even for a second skip notice why- black of heritage (mixed heritage) and a woman? Ooo start tossing up social roadblocks!  What was curious was that while celebrated rightfully by those who cared even as she faced bankruptcy to toss out a collection, she was forgotten instantly in areas of legacies as no one championed on in her steps or kept alive her memory even.


The other extra history was on Julie d’aubney of Louis 14ths era covering a way politics works this firebrand was bisexual openly in life.  Open.  Think now.  That’s not a story of known different.  This is open in an era where the concept was burned at the stake religious suppression! And no not her fate although robbing her girlfriend from the convent was a great way to earn the ire of that areas law.


As you can see, it’s misce souls and or etc notions mine.  True value is? And support is for why?  It’s just a reminder to be clears great things come either supported or not.  It’s largely unfair why.    Why do I focus that mention?  Because.  It’s worth knowing not that it could happen but has already.

Doble was steam now schoelle  double to The Who who’s then and cyclone engines trying to bring alive the burn anything multi fuel advantages of that long ago!  Steam curiously doesn’t need transmissions.  And steam  steamy if you catch the names and such above?  Well


keep it hot…




a bus to forever


I failed utterly to do anything but ride around a bit before boogieing back to a mall.





The above is north coast beer’s cranberry quince Berliner Weisse. I had to have a second.  I got a vegetarian slice of pizza (margarita) and it sure was tasty.   Even for Whole Foods.

bulk nation for candy and cookery things

such brightened my people’s at the hostel

i thoroughly enjoyed visiting my friend.


it was 4 hours there and  3.5 home. Via impossibly always altering directions.  Busses overlap ya see.


Despite the cynicism

Upon oyster planet
Surveying scenes – futures lithe
Good morning, seen it

Help is kitchen done
Grumble thank you to bathrooms
Tball three whee fun

Two haiku I know bless the sneezy one but it’s worth remembering I’m tired and have an order thus others help is often a fuck over twice and I’m to be gracious as I am pleased with gratitude that my day is improved as that so often this help is helping not me but another and wow thanks I just set that in soap rinsed to clean right after a lil soak and clink clink well I’m tired here why not to a few flights of stairs with you yaaaaaay! But stop a moment and realize attitude is displaying grace ringing true as I meant thank you as any help is a spirit whether the outcome is all that grand or not – championing spirit is a smile

Or just as I get excited to find what I’ve heard is desired the response seems as if I’m tearing away to a better place without the joy when the person shared with us the reason for the joy not the shared shitty ideas!! I’ll invent ideas that may not come to sunshine but I sure am after joy to share :).

Or such is an example
Of how obstinate an ass I am. Most help is not help… because it is hard to let go of the order in how I work and I’m tired plotting each tasks effort outlay like a marathon not to sprint and fail dying into a task list to hard hit. Heh. Or you not a world are my oyster as I share the smiles brimming over if I can.

Fancy how that works out for me 😉

Back to work – 44 diabetic unemployed so I heard via a
Meeting where this isn’t a career or even a job yet hahaha oooh! And I’m thank full of it for my life… actually I am. Despite the cynicism


first,  not what you think, it’s just the dread phrasing to make etc clear.  I have my first appointment with vocational rehabilitation and my counselor vs intern.  This ends an era in time from many states here.  It’s a Friday 14th heh, way to work me in before holidays! Yay actually.


Lunch was made- Indian and good.

It was no where near the recipe I had nor material.  But it was good and disposed of.  I burnt the crap out of the coating to a thin pot so as to make sure chicken got cooked.  In a yogurt , this is a gauruntee tour tween steps of hot water boiling off the char — so on uses the pot again!  It lacked a pungent sweet note as I lacked cardomum or even fennel!  But I don’t much mind that I ate was nice.


i suppose if I listen and believe you me! The wasted war zone of unearthly silence first is disconcerting!  But if I listen I hear a sound not necessarily magic but dreams coming truer.  But lord help me if it seems some of the hardest things is patience